This wasn’t what I wanted for today’s post but I’ve been having an incredibly difficult day today and to top the cherry off all my work for today’s post never got saved, leaving me post-less for the day and having to spend the night writing today’s and tomorrows post.

I just want to thank everyone for their on going and continuing support as I learn to open up about my mental health. I’m not really great with my words (ironic coming from someone who has spent her whole life writing them down) but I’m not great at expressing my emotions very well, even less so when trying to use words out loud without writing them down and not being given the time to over analysing them for days first.

But opening up, getting myself out there is something I have made my mission to do this year. Getting over my social anxiety of talking to people online was a big step I’m so happy I’ve manage to knock out of the park this year as before if someone would try to message me I’d block them with a racing heart. It genially gives me anxiety to just talk to someone, even through a message. But I’ve beaten that part of my anxiety this year which is so amazing and I truly am proud of myself for that. I’ve been isolating myself for years, the only one I’ve not managed to scare off is my boyfriend whom I love more than simply word/sentence could explain.

It’s your continued support, messages and comments that helps encourage me to keep going and to keep on my blogging journey. When starting my blog this year in February I couldn’t have prepared myself for the emotional, mental and even physical toll blogging would have on me in just a short amount of time. I went into this with the intentions of investing my all into this blog, my love, pain, sweat, tears, happiness, hope, everything that I have to offer. But I didn’t expect anything to truly happen until at least a year into blogging. I didn’t to gain so much attachment to it so quietly nor did I expect I’d have one person reading my post but now my blog has reached over 200 followers over the short course of time with such incredible viewers.

As stated above I have found dealing with today rather difficult. In all honesty the last two months I have been really struggling to feel the positivity and lightness that I’m trying to spread throughout my blog and social media accounts.

My depression has been trying to grip hold of me in it’s cold, claw like grip to drag me down a hole I no longer want to find myself in. In turn this has kicked my anxiety off into a totally different direction, which is only making my feel worse, and just feeding my depression and messy thoughts.

On top of that I haven’t stuck to my yoga or workouts the why I had planned, and my eating has gone back down, although when my doctor weighed me last week on Thursday I hadn’t lost any weight, I hadn’t gained any either, which is the usual story when it comes to my weight. I either lose it or I stay they same, no change. It get’s so unbearably frustrating sometimes and today I really wanted to give up on everything… I kind of still do but I’m hoping I’ll be able to push through this because I don’t want this blog to be yet another thing in my life that I loved and had taken over/away by my mental health.

I want to continue ‘writing my dream’ of becoming an author. I want to keep this drive to keep writing my novel, this drive to help others and write my posts. I don’t want to lose the one good thing I’ve managed to gain control of.

My mental health has literally taken over my life in every way it possibly could, I’m a slave to my mental health, a puppet whose strings are being controlled solely by my mental health. The only things is hasn’t taken from me is my family, my boyfriend and my pets.

This isn’t forever, I know that. I know some day I’m going to be able to beat all my demons and finally know what inner peace feels likes, one day I’m finally going to love myself and the world I’m in.

But right now I’m taking it one step at a time and today…today was bad step. But it’s okay, it’s okay because it just reminds me, well, I do have good day, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to identify the bad ones like I once wasn’t able to do.

Here’s a picture of me and Toby yesterday. (Photo credits to my boyfriend) Its strange how one really bad day can set you back from months work, but I’ll pick myself up and dust myself off.

I’m hoping to have today’s post re-written by tonight and ready for you all tomorrow, along with tomorrows intended post.

And again, I truly can’t express how much I appreciate all the supportive and heartwarming comments and messages. I was planning on doing a little giveaway this week but I really want to give back and show just how much reading my posts, following me and supporting me really means to be.

Instead I’m going to be planning a big giveaway, where there can be up to at least 3-4 winners. Thank you for reading and I hope you all have a lovely Friday night and even better weekend.

Published by tinkablee

Hey, there! Firstly, I'd just like to start by thanking you for taking time out of your day/night to view my blog. Now you are probably wondering what kind of blog you have stumbled upon and I can tell you know my original intent was to create a lifestyle blog & that's what this is as well as one where I'll do book reviews & a little bit of everything really. My mind is full of so many ideas that I'm sure this blog is going to look/get confusing at times but I promise that I'm doing everything I can to make it look professional or at least like organized chaos. I'm also currently "writing" my childhood dream of becoming an author, and I'm at the moment writing a novel that I'm hoping will one day be published! I own three very adorable and troublesome cats and love taking nature walks with my significant other. I hope you choose to follow my blog and keep up to date with my new DIY makes, posts on how I make my candles and where you can purchase them.

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  1. What you’ve achieved is amazing and you’re such a strong person, so you’ve just got to keep going πŸ’• I feel like this a lot during the winter months and it can be so difficult to pull through it, but I guess you’ve just got to treat each day as a new one – you can always start over the next day. I’m really surprised to learn you only started blogging in Feb – I thought you’d been blogging waaaay longer than me! Looking forward to the giveaway though and seriously don’t stress if you can’t post every day… I’d be a wreck if I attempted that so I’m seriously impressed that you can post so much! πŸ’•πŸ’•

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    1. Thank you so much Hannah you really don’t know how much your words mean to me! I never do well in the winter myself, I get attacked by the winter blues which is why I wanted to start my blog at the beginning of the year😊
      Really? I thought it came across just how little experience I have with bloggingπŸ™ˆ I seeing amazing bloggers like yourself writing all these great posts and I sit there looking at mine like… my blog looks like a baby blog, it’s not ready to be out yet😣 But I’ve been pushing myself to keep it out there, knowing I can work on it as I go along. And thank you so so much! It’s the support of such lovely and amazing people like you and your words that help encourage me to keep going. So thank you so much for thatπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Amazing post and CONGRATS on working through your mental health issues. No am living with ADHD untreated so I relate to the depression BIG-TIME! I will leave my info on your Twitter post and a return favor if RT, follows and comment would be appreciated so much! I blog about didn’t ADHD issues -depression, hyper focus and anxiety! Check my posts out and let’s support one another. I’ve only bogged for seven months but it’s my passion that I never had courage to pursue until recently (I’m 55 now) … I’m glad your young and working through your issues bc I was 55 and just have been on a self awareness journey for around 9 months or so! email me at melodiemichelle1969@gmail.com I would love to share stories πŸ’›πŸ’™πŸ’œβ€οΈπŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ’œπŸ’™πŸ’›πŸ’™πŸ’œβ€οΈπŸ’šπŸ’œβ€οΈπŸ’™πŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’›πŸ’™πŸ’œβ€οΈπŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ’œπŸ’™πŸ’›πŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ’œπŸ’™

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