Blogging with severe anxiety

When looking through a blog you don’t really take into account that perhaps the mind behind the blog, could be riddled with nothing but anxiety but for me that’s my life.

blogging with severe anxiety - bloggers - blogging - mental health - mental health blogger - lifestyle blogger - beauty blogger - bloggers
blogging with severe anxiety

I know that a lot of people escape to the cyber world as a “easier” way to connect with other people, as a less anxious way of connecting with other people. But unfortunately I’ve not fully experienced this, I mean sure, I DO find it easier to connect and engage with people on the internet than I do in real life but all the anxiety that comes with talking to someone in person, still follows me when I try the same thing online.

I feel like because I have spent so much of my time locking myself away from people, that communicating to others is just as difficult for me as talking to animals, I feel like I am saying all the wrongs things, coming off strange, intense, emotional? Maybe even at times crazy, though that could be my own personal feelings being projected outwardly. One of my biggest fears is becoming insane, a strange fear to carry I suppose but one I have never been able to shake off. Between fearing that and barbie dolls… my nightmares can be interesting to say the least.

But I’m rambling and getting myself off topic.

I maybe be stalling a little to, if I were honest with myself. Anxiety is a very close and sensitive subject for me, it’s something I have spent many years blaming for ruining my life before I even got the chance to begin one. I’ve spent my whole life helping others anyway I can, keeping my head down when possible, staying out of trouble (As much as one can), keeping the old saying, ‘treat others how you want to be treated’, Glued to memory. But over time quickly came to realise that I was one of a VERY small few you stuck to such an oath.

As I got older, my need to protect myself out weighed the need to protect someone else and instead of going out of my way to help people, I found myself only helping those I happened to come across needing help, then it got to the point where I wasn’t even doing that because I wasn’t leaving my house.

During that time I never saw myself as locking myself away from people or not experiencing anything because I lived my life in books. From the moment my eyes were open to the moment I could no longer stay awake I was reading, I was living the adventure of someone else, exploring a new world, meeting new and exciting people, helping and saving others. To me I wasn’t missing out on anything because I was experiencing it all every time I touch a book or started writing another of my own.

But of course books weren’t my saving grace for long, I eventually started to notice just how lonely and out of touch with… everything, I was, that I still am. And although my boyfriend manage to save me in parts and massively help me in others, my anxiety has still manage to overrule me, overrule my life.

My anxiety known’s no bounds.

blogging with severe anxiety - bloggers - blogging - mental health - mental health blogger - lifestyle blogger - beauty blogger - bloggers
blogging with severe anxiety

And it’s followed me through my blogging too. There isn’t a moment that goes by that I’m not twitching with the thought of deleting my blog and just ending the constant anxiety that has clung to me since starting it.

Putting yourself out into the world can be a scary thing, to someone who finds it incredibly difficult to leave the house to go across the road (a two minute journey if that!) to go into the shop for something as simple as milk, putting yourself out into the world can feel like a death sentence.

A blog at first seemed like a less scary root to take, a lesser of two evils if you will. It seemed like I’d be able to have a lot of control over who views it…which kind of defeated the goals I had intended for this blog.

If I want my blog to reach people, to help people, inspire people or simply even entertain/ interest them for a few minutes then I had to accept keeping my blog open for people to view, I had to have less control over the privacy settings, for what was the point in having a blog for people to read if I kept it on private so no one could?

I don’t read my own posts, which I know is terrible because I also know there are many mistakes that need correcting. But I just can’t bring myself to go through my posts, I don’t trust myself not to delete them if I’m being completely honest.

I always tell everyone that the comments are open for your own opinion and good or bad I want to hear them…but I do have my comments on monitored as in I monitor every comment that comes in and it doesn’t get publicly seen unless I want it to and I told myself it was because of trolls, and a few months ago that would have been 100% true as there was a particular one that has been emotionally and mentally exhausting me but other than that one? And one other incident that occurred with another “mental health blogger” – I air quote that because I’m not entirely sure that that’s what he is at the moment, it just seems to me more than anything he is reaching out and looking for other mental health suffers to mess with- who later apologised for his behaviour towards the end of the night.

Other than those two, VERY small negative things, I have not had one issue with anyone I have come across online, nor an issue since starting my blog. No one has come to personally attack me or my blog and for most people that would be reassurance enough for them. I’ve made friends with bloggers who have been attacked by many trolls but are still brave enough to keep their comments from monitoring them the way I can.

Usually what I do is, I write a post out and I will post it on whatever day I had decided that it should go out on. After that I’ll promote it as quickly as possible and just s quickly try to forget about it, I don’t go back to it and read over what I have write, I don’t correct the mistakes that are made and I don’t notice them to begin with because I never give myself the chance to.

I really want to change the way I have been approaching blogging. I have been quoting all year, “If you can’t fight fear, then fight scared” but I’m still letting fear fight and beat me. I’m still letting it control me in some ways and I really don’t want to show across my blog, this whole year is about BIG and HEALTHY, changes and I feel that changing my tactic when it comes to how I blog could truly benefit both me, my blog and anyone out there reading it.

It’s time to truly let go of my fear, to accept the negative that comes along with it but also to embrace all the positive benefits that it can bring too.

I wish you all, as always, a wonderful start to the week. Don’t let those Monday blue’s catch you! Whatever you are going through, whatever challenge you are facing, you can face and there isn’t a soul out there that doesn’t have another caring for them, even if all the negativity in your life has blinded you to them, never lose hope!

22 thoughts on “Blogging with severe anxiety

  1. I can totally understand not wanting to put yourself out there. I felt the same for a very long time as I was worried about what people would think. I’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but since opening up about my own struggles I feel like I’ve had nothing but positivity. You really shouldn’t worry about putting yourself out there. It’s always worse in your head than it is in real life. You are great. Your blog is great. Have a lovely day and thanks for sharing xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles but I am SO glad that you have received nothing but positivity from as it is never anything to be ashamed of or fear to open up about, although I can understand that it is. I’m glad you have such great people in your life and thank you so much for your lovely words, they mean more to me than you know! I hope you are having a wonderful week 🙂 And thank you for reading and taking the time to comment xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This post was so honest and open. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I can relate to so much in your post. Sharing your deepest insecurities is scary and can feel so vulnerable, but you never know who you might touch with your words. And sometimes writing about the very thing that’s casting the greatest shadow in your life is a way of taking back your power. I wish you the very best of luck. ~ Kari

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much💖
      I like to keep my posts as open and honest as possible, knowing how hard it is to express yourself or share what it is going on in your own head and body when you don’t even know what’s really going on.

      I can only hope that by being honest about my struggles and my fight to take back my life that I can help inspire even one person to do the same💕

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment💜 x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re so inspirational – you have created an amazing thing by writing this blog. Even if you feel you are not helping people in person because of your anxiety, you are definitely helping a lot of people through this blog, and by interacting with your readers. Your posts are so honest and open, which means that other people who experience anxiety can relate to them and know they are not alone. I love the quote “If you can’t fight fear, then fight scared”. Keep on fighting! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! 🥰💖
      It really means a lot hearing that, especially as my blog is so small at times I just feel as though I’m not really helping anyone.

      And that’s why I want all my posts to be so honest and open. I know how hard it is to open up, if someone can read my post, relate and can later in that week or that month then confine in someone, that’ll all I can ask for and thats all I can hope for. Is that it can help someone speak more openly or to just even know that at times they may feel like it, they aren’t ever alone.

      Thank you so much for reading💖💖xx

      Like

      1. It’s helped me and I’m sure it is helping others! Even in your posts that are not directly related to mental health, like the pets series, I really enjoy reading those because they are such lovely stories that remind me there are always good things in life no matter how difficult it may be! With every post you write, your blog is getting bigger and will reach more people 😊 💖 xx

        Liked by 1 person

        1. With such incredible support from amazing bloggers like yourself that helps keep me going and you can never understand just how much your words mean to me! 🥰

          Thank you for always being so incredible and uplifting.

          I don’t want my blog page to be focused on all the negatives in my life l, I want it to outwardly show all the good the world, life and experiences have to offer us 😊 x

          Like

    1. I’m so sorry to hear you are suffering, I know how tough and life consuming it can be but just know that you have more power than it does and one day, you’ll have control over anxiety and not the other way around.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment💖

      Like

  4. I always appreciate your honesty. I struggle with anxiety and is something that runs in my family too. I have the potential to let it get really out of hand if I don’t pay attention. Yoga is a huge anxiety reliever for me. I escape to it often. Books are also an escape for me too.

    Anxiety is something I also feel at moments while maintains our blog. I love writing and expressing myself but sharing it with the world can be overwhelming.

    I’ve lost friends over the years due to me being withdrawn and I withdrawal at times due to my anxiety. It used to bother me but not anymore. Anyone who doesn’t understand/respect my space when I need it is someone I don’t need in my life anyway. I’m lucky to be married to a man who understands all aspects/sides of me. That’s all I really need🧡

    You’re an amazing blogger! Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much💖

      Yoga and books are two incredibly great ways to help with feelings of anxiety as I use them often myself😊

      Creating a blog and sharing our words, our experience and our lives with so many strangers can get as daunting as it can be exciting and loosing friend/people due to mental health i feel is greatly needed as it shows you who is truly there for you and who is only there for the moments you help create.

      I’m so glad you two started your blog and as it inspires and helps me everyday! And recevining such a compliment has made my entire week!! Thank you so much and I hope you both have a wonderful week💖💖

      Like

  5. Such a brave post and I’m sure many people will relate. I think when it comes to mental health blogs these sort of posts are great at giving people an insight into what it’s like living with a particular illness. Thank you for sharing and have a fantastic week 😊 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Posts like these are never easy but at the same time can be so… Lightening at the same time. After the crash of my anxiety, I usually get a sense of relief, like a little bit of the weight on my shoulders have been lifted off.

      I hope you have a wonderful week, 🥰

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I relate to this so much. I thought blogging would be easier for me but my anxiety follows me into the blogging world. Sometimes even responding to comments I receive is difficult, I feel like I’m typing the wrong thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I sometimes have to wait a day before I can get my anxiety under control enough to read through them and reply. It’s honestly such a life draining thing to suffer with and I’m sorry that you have to deal with it too but I know one day we’ll beat our anxiety 💪🏻

      Like

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