World Suicide Prevention Day – WSPD 2020

World Suicide Prevention day is an annual awareness day that takes place every 10th September. This annual awareness day is aimed to get everyone around the world to speak up and talk about suicide to show people that recovery IS possible.

Organisations, charities and communities all take World Suicide Prevention Day seriously and take advantage of the day to rally together to help spread awareness of how we can help create a world where fewer people die from suicide.

Every year World Suicide Prevention Day hold a different theme and point of focus in the hopes of drawing more people to their cause and to help bring light to a specific aspect of suicide. What ever the theme is that year, the goal is always still the same, to provide worldwide commitment and action to prevent suicide.

World Suicide Prevention Day (WSPD) is hosted by International Association For Suicide Prevention (or for short – IASP) who are dedicated to:

Preventing Suicidal Behaviour

Alleviating its effects

Providing a forum for academics, mental health professionals, crisis workers, volunteers and suicide survivors

Founded by the late Professor Erwin Ringel and Dr. Norman Farberow in 1960, IASP now includes professionals and volunteers from more than fifty different countries. IASP is a Non-Governmental Organisation covered with suicide prevention.

If you would like to learn more about International Association For Suicide Prevention or find out how you can help why not check out their website: IASP

So why is it so important to speak out about suicide?


– Well, just in 2018, it was recorded that in the UK and Republic of Ireland, more than 6,800 people died of suicide.

sAmaritans-suicide-stats-report

In the Uk, men are 3x more likely to die by suicide than women are and that stems from a number of things but the biggest one is the lack of normalising our emotions, especially for our men. Little boys are taught to be tough from a really young age, they are taught that cry makes you weak, that speaking out about your emotions and what’s floating around inside your head as something only girls do.

Men have been made to feel as though they don’t get to experience emotions, they aren’t allowed to let them show. But that’s a load of poppycock. You aren’t made any less of man just because you have shown people that you too are human and experience emotions, worries and troubles just like everyone else.

There is still massive amounts of terrible stigma surrounded men, surrounding people with mental health and those who are suicidal, that World Suicide Prevention Day hopes to help over come.

It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

It’s okay to speak up and out

It’s okay to struggle

It’s okay to feel lost, helpless, alone, sad, angry

and it’s okay to tell someone about how you feel

As long as you fight back, as long as you speak up, as long as you don’t let those emotions and thoughts overwhelm you into a situation that can never been reverse, can never be undone.

According to Samaritans Suicide Stats Report from December 2019:

There were 6,859 suicides in the UK and Republic of Ireland.
• 6,507 suicides were registered in the UK and 352
occurred in the Republic of Ireland.
• The suicide rate in Northern Ireland is the highest in the UK –
where men aged 25-29 have the highest suicide rate.
• The highest suicide rate in the UK, and England, is among men aged 45-49.
• The highest suicide rate in Wales is among men aged 40-44.
• The highest suicide rate in the Republic of Ireland is among men aged 55-64.
• The highest rate in Scotland is among men aged 35-44.
• There has been a significant increase in suicide in
the UK, the first time since 2013 – this appears to be
driven by an increase in the male suicide rate.
• In the UK, suicide rates among young people have been
increasing in recent years. The suicide rate for young
females is now at its highest rate on record.
• In the UK men remain three times more likely to take their own lives
than women, and in the Republic of Ireland four times more likely.
• Suicide has continued to fall in both males and
females in the Republic of Ireland.

If you want to find out more about the suicide stats report then head over to the Samaritans Website: Samaritans.org or click her to head directly to their stats report simply CLICK HERE.

If you or anyone you know is struggling right now then please reach out to someone, a friend, an internet friend, a family member, even a stranger. If you feel comfortable enough you can feel free to reach out to me, all conversations with me are private and confidential. I can offer advice, a listening ear and friendship.

Every life we lose to suicide is a tragedy, one we all have hopes in preventing.

Or you can check out these incredible websites that dedicate their time and resources to helping those who need it:

Samaritans

or Call 116 123
Email jo@samaritans.org

CALM

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men
Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day
Visit the webchat page

Papyrus

Papyrus – for people under 35
Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 9am to 10pm, weekends and bank holidays 2pm to 10pm
Text 07860 039967
Email pat@papyrus-uk.org

ChildLine

Childline – for children and young people under 19
Call 0800 1111 – the number will not show up on your phone bill

Contact your local GP.

or you can call 111 out of hours – they will help you find the support and help you need

Just know you aren’t alone, you aren’t the only one who has had these feelings and there are people out there who would be devastated and broken should anything happen to you. Even when it doesn’t feel like anyone cares, life is complicated and we get caught up in the moments and that means sometimes we let things and people slide. We have to remind ourselves that that doesn’t me we aren’t cared for, that they only want our time and attention when it suits them but simply that life has directed them away and then back to you again.

Everyone has a time and place in your life, if you are finding yourself lonely then perhaps that’s life’s way of trying to direct you into looking after yourself, paying attention to yourself, start a new journey that only you can take or learning to accept and love yourself. There is a different perspective to every single situation the challenging part is trying to change our own perspectives to get a more positive out look.

Introducing CBT to my life

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Introducing CBT to my life

Through my search of self-help techniques that I hope can help me through life and help me in overcoming a few of my mental problems I came across ‘The Anxiety Journal’ that very briefly introduced me to CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and was instantly intrigued by it. (You can read my review of ‘The Anxiety journal’ HERE)

Despite my insistence on doing things on my own from now own, even I am aware I can’t do everything alone and there are times where I do/will need the help of others.

So firstly let’s explain briefly what CBT is

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy also known as CBT for short is a talking therapy that can help many people to manage and cope with their mental/physical problems through thought and behaviour. It is commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but has been known to be useful for other mental and physical health problems.

Due to this being a highly sought out remedy to those who suffer from anxiety and depression, I felt like this was something I needed to introduce to my life and give ago. Everything else I have attempted so far has only led to failure or has led to part failure but I’m not ready to give up, so why not try out CBT? It could be the very thing I’ve needed in my life all along.

Now that we know what CBT is, how does CBT work? Or more accurately, how is CBT meant to help you?

So, CBT is based on the concept that YOUR thoughts, YOUR feelings, YOUR physical sensations as well as actions are interconnected, and through that, negative thoughts and feelings can find a way to trap you in a vicious cycle.

CBT is aimed to help people to cope and deal with their overwhelming problems in a more light and positive way by breaking them down into much smaller parts. CBT helps open your eyes to show you how to change these negative patterns/cycles to help improve the way you feel.

Unlike other talking treatments, CBT deals with your current situation/problems, rather than focusing on all the issues of the past and looks for practical ways that can help improve your state of mind on a day to day basis. (I understand the need for opening up and letting the past out but I also understand that being able to move on from the past you have to stop giving into, stop talking about, thinking about and letting it into the present. For some people only opening that door again will they ever be able to close and lock it forever, but for others like me, I’ve already found the lock long ago and know unlocking and reopening doors will cause more damage than good to my mental state and wellbeing).

CBT isn’t just for those who suffer and want to overcome their anxiety and depression. CBT has been shown to be an effective way of treating a whole range of different mental health conditions as well as in addition to depression or anxiety disorders, CBT has and can help people with the following:

  • Bipolar Disorder
  • Borderline personality disorder
  • Eating disorders – such as bulimia and anorexia
  • OCD (Obsessive Compulsive disorder)
  • Panic disorder
  • Phobias
  • PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder)
  • Psychosis
  • Schizophrenia
  • Sleep problems – such as insomnia
  • Problems related to alcohol misuse

CBT has also been used to treat people with long-term health conditions, such as:

  • IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome)
  • CFS (Chronic fatigue syndrome)
  • Fibromyalgia

CBT cannot cure the physical symptoms of these conditions, CBT can help people cope better with their symptoms. Which sometimes it’s all you can hope for, is a little help in coping if you can’t rid yourself of whatever condition you have.

I hope this short explanation of CBT has helped explain what it is and maybe it’s even got you thinking, wondering if this is something that can help you…

As I stated at the top of this post, I have been trying to find as many self-help techniques that I possibly can but even I am aware that help is going to be needed somewhere down the line. you can’t do everything on your own, sometimes a little help is needed if you have any hope or chance of helping yourself.

Accepting help doesn’t make you weak. You’re stronger than most if you are able to seek or accept the help offered to you, most go through life trying to do it on their own in the hopes that no one sees their struggles and to me…that’s weak. It’s easy to hide and pretend, you need some steel hard balls come out of hiding, to accept what’s going on but to not accept that that’s how you are going to live out the rest of your life.

Not hiding your problems and instead choosing to fight them with everything you’ve got…now that’s brave.

I’ll be continuing this conversation on in a different post when I do an update on CBT and how it’s affected/helped me. I’ll be going into more detail about what ABT is, what it does and how exactly it’s meant to help as well as what to expect when attending CBT sessions with your therapist.

World Mental Health Day – Suicide Prevention 2019

Today is ‘World Mental health Day’, a day where everyone from across the world has the opportunity to help raise awareness of mental health issues and advocate against all the social injustice and stigma that surrounds those who battle with mental health issues.

This day provides us all with the opportunity to join in and add to the wider conversation that is occurring on social media, television, Podcasts and elsewhere.

This is a great time to highlight the incredible work you or others have been doing in the hopes of helping to address the stigmas that surround mental health sufferers.

“Not all wounds are visible.”

This year for 2019 World Mental Health Day, a lot of people will be focusing on Suicide Prevention in the hopes of raising awareness for those suffering with suicidal thoughts, those who have already attempted suicide and those who have been affected by those who have committed suicide.

“But I do know that I spent a long time existing, and now, I intend to live.”

By Robyn Schneider

Suicide isn’t a widely talked about topic, it can be a very taboo subject to bring up as no one wants to talk about or be reminded of death. Which is understandable, however, ignoring it and not talking about it isn’t going to help those who need help, it won’t help you should you ever find yourself in such a situation and it won’t help anyone in the future. It won’t stop people from believing that is their only way out, that is the only way to fix what they believe can’t be fixed.

I wrote a post called ‘Depression and Suicidal thoughts’ where I open up a little about my long battle with depression and talk a little about suicidal thoughts. On 10th September was ‘World Suicide Prevention Day’, a post I wrote on suicide and where I opened up a little more about suicide and try to help join others in the fight to raise awareness.

“I’m not lazy. I’m just exhausted from fighting my way through every single day.”

BY: Mimi Love

Every year close to around 800,000 people globally take their own life and there are many, many more people out there who attempt suicide or have suicidal thoughts. Every suicide is a tragedy that affects everyone from families and friends, to the communities that they came from/have joined and has a terrible long-lasting affects on those people left behind.

It is the leading cause of death among young people aged 20-34 years in the UK and it is also the second leading cause of death among 15-29 year-old’s globally.

Today I would like everyone to take a little time out of their busy lives to check in on an old friend/family member/colleague.

Take a little time to research a little about suicide and ways you, yourself can help prevent it or help someone who is thinking about it.

“It’s so common, it could be anyone. The trouble is, nobody wants to talk about it. And that makes everything worse.”

By: Ruby Wax

A total of 6,507 suicides were registered by coroners in the UK – 11.2 per 100,000 people – in 2018, up 11.8% on the previous year, according to the Office for National Statistics. Concerns were raised after an increase in the rates of young people aged from 10 – 24 years old, killing themselves, with the overall rate for that age group reaching a 19 year high and the rate for young females reaching an all-time high.

It is more now than ever crucial for us all to step up and help raise awareness for Suicide Prevention while we can still make an impact and help. We all need a better understanding and more steps need to be put into place to help prevent another person from feeling as though their life means that little that they can snuff it out and rid themselves of this world without another thought, without consequence and without leaving a few people lost and broken.

A message Of Hope

I have had a lot of people around me commit suicide, some have failed…other’s succeeded in their plans. And being surrounded by so much darkness has only made me more determined to help shed a little light wherever I can.

As powerless as suicide likes to make us feel we ALL have the power to help someone, we all have the power to change someone’s bad day and make it a little better and more than anything we have the power to learn, to change and to help.

World Suicide Prevention Day 2019

Today marks ‘World Suicide Prevention Day.’

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World Suicide Prevention Day

A day where everyone across the world comes together in the hopes of preventing any more suicides from occurring/ helping those who are currently tormented by suicidal thoughts/behaviour.

There are many things as a group or even as individuals that you can do in support of ‘Suicide Prevention Day,’ Such as;

  • You can open up about your own story of surviving suicide
  • You can talk openly about your suicidal thoughts
  • You can open up about your attempts of suicide
  • You can share a family member’s story (with permission of course)
  • Or you can share a story of someone close to you who lost their life to this terrible thing
  • You can host a little get together where you open up, talk and learn more about suicide and ways to stop it in others/prevent it.

This year I have decided to take part in, ‘World Suicide Prevention Day’ (WAPD) by joining others across the world in lighting a candle next to my window at 8pm TONIGHT. In honour of those fighting, suffering and in memory of those we have already lost to suicide.

The IASP is preparing “World Suicide Prevention Day Light a Candle Near a Window at 8 PM” e-cards or postcards in various languages so supporters can send these reminders to friends, colleagues and loved ones. Also, these e-cards or postcards can be used by bloggers, writers and others so that they can share information about suicide, suicide prevention and World Suicide Prevention Day. Click here to download e-cards to send to loved ones

WORLD PREVENTION DAY SITE

You can find out more and get involved more by checking out their website ‘World Prevention Day.’

I would ask that all my viewers to join me in lighting a candle at 8pm tonight in support of suicide survivors, in support and acknowledgement of those with suicidal thoughts and in memory of those who have already lost their life to suicide.

And when you light your candle I would love for you to share a picture of it with me on social media! (I’ll be sharing some of them).

You can share you pictures with me here:

Instagram - @LittleTinkablee

Twitter - @Tinkableeblog

Facebook Page - @LittleTinkableeblog

There are many things we can do to help others around us whether that is simply messaging a friend/family/colleague and checking in on them or posting helplines so people know where they can go to for help they don’t feel comfortable talking to someone they know.

Suicide is something close to me. Having my biological father commit suicide was hard but not nearly as hard as having my little brother age 7- 8 (at the time) try to commit suicide due to bullies. Nor was it as hard as having to hear/know that my siblings and mother have either attempted or strongly thought about attempting suicide.

It’s a thought that can get stuck in your head and there have been a few moments in my life where I even thought about ending my own life, moments where I thought I could make the world around me go quiet….

What’s helped me get to my 22nd birthday (an age I honestly never dreamed of even reaching) is my need for helping people, especially my family. My family suffers greatly from mental illnesses and there are a lot of strong negative emotions that circle my family. It seems there is a never ending cycle of bad things occurring.

What has stop me from following through with my own dark thoughts is knowing that my family have the same thoughts if not stronger thoughts than I do, and if I’m not here to help them, to be that person they can talk to, vent to or turn their emotions out on, then who will?

Who will help them when they need it, who will listen to their thoughts when everything becomes too much?

Suicide is no laughing matter, and it certainly isn’t something that should be hidden under a rock. I believe more helps needs to be put into place for people who struggle just Living in such a confusing and critical world.

I believe schools should be forced to do more when it comes to education the young mind of mental health and mental health illnesses.

Schools really aren’t doing enough, or all they can to help protect our children and it really angers me that they are so….dismissive almost of mental health/illnesses.

Some records show that a person dies every 40 seconds by suicide and up to 25 times as many again make a suicide attempt. It is responsible for over 800,000 deaths, which equates to one suicide every 40 seconds. Every year, suicide is among the top 20 leading causes of death globally for people of all ages.

  • In 2018, there were 6,507 suicides registered in the UK, an age-standardised rate of 11.2 deaths per 100,000 population; the latest rate is significantly higher than that in 2017 and represents the first increase since 2013.
  • Three-quarters of registered deaths in 2018 were among men (4,903 deaths), which has been the case since the mid-1990s.
  • The UK male suicide rate of 17.2 deaths per 100,000 represents a significant increase from the rate in 2017; for females, the UK rate was 5.4 deaths per 100,000, consistent with the rates over the past 10 years.

Suicides in the UK

In 2018, a total of 6,507 suicides were registered in the UK, 686 more deaths than in 2017 when there were 5,821 deaths (11.8% increase). This equates to a statistically significant increase in the suicide rate, with 11.2 deaths per 100,000 population in 2018, compared with 10.1 deaths per 100,000 population in 2017.

Following several years of decline, the latest UK suicide rate has increased to the level seen when it previously peaked in 2013 (11.1 deaths per 100,000). Suicide rates tend to fluctuate on a year-to-year basis. It is therefore too early to say whether the latest increase represents a change in the recent trend.

The factors behind any increase in suicide rates are complex. However, as detailed in Section 3, Things you need to know about this release, a change in the standard of proof used by coroners may have affected the latest figures. The latest provisional figures for England (2019 registrations for Quarters 1 and 2), which are subject to change and not finalised, show similarly elevated levels of registrations in the first half of 2019.

You can find out more by clicking here.

I understand that suicide can be such a sensitive subject to talk about as it’s almost too terrible to even comprehend that a person could feel so bad that they would even think to take away their life.

But without people speaking up and breaking silence on this very shocking and sensitive subject then we only leave the world to stick to the terrible stigmas that has surrounded suicide and suicidal people.

As disturbing as the thought is there are people out there who use self-harm and suicide attempts to keep people with them or to stop people from leaving them. But this isn’t everyone! It’s a very small group that are like that, most of the time people are just looking for help because they’re just stuck. Stuck in the same cycles, feeling the same emotions over and over (and that’s if you haven’t gone numb by that point).

As previously state, I have had people incredibly close to me attempt suicide and talk openly about wanting to end their own lives. It’s such a horrible sinking feeling knowing that the people keeping you grounded are experiencing these feelings and I feel as though there isn’t anything I can do.

My boyfriend had once been roped into a “friendship” as the person would consistently use self-harm and attempts at suicide to bring him and other people in when the person felt as though people were leaving them out. I myself have been placed in similar situations. It’s not nice.

I now know that just letting them talk and being an open ear is more than enough sometimes. Sometimes we just need to feel as though we are being heard and validated.

I now know that walking away from people who use such a heartbreaking thing against you is the best thing to do and that I am no held responsible for their actions, only mine.

I want to thank you all for taking the time to read this post and I ask that you please share this one around. And if you EVER need an open ear, no judgement, just an listen ear, then please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Or you can contact one of these suicide prevention hotlines –

Uk Suicide Helpline

Samaritans – for everyone
Call 116 123
Email jo@samaritans.org

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men
Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day
Visit the webchat page

Papyrus – for people under 35
Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm
Text 07786 209697
Email pat@papyrus-uk.org

Childline – for children and young people under 19
Call 0800 1111 – the number won’t show up on your phone bill

USA Suicide Prevention Hotlines:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) is a 24-hour, toll-free, confidential suicide prevention hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.It provides Spanish-speaking counsellors, as well as options for deaf and hard of hearing individuals. It is only available in the United States 

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (ESP) can be reached at 1-888-628-9454

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Deaf & Hard of Hearing Options) can be reached at 1-800-799-4889

You can also CLICK HERE to be direction to a list of International Suicide Hotlines.

how to know when to come back from that much needed break

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How to know when to come back from that much-needed break

Taking a step back from blogging can be hard, it can be even harder to determine when you are meant to take that little break from blogging. But it can also be even harder to determine when to come back.

A couple of weeks ago, I did just that. I took my first break from blogging since I started it this year in February.

At first it killed me (maybe a little bit dramatic) but It did make me feel like a failure, like I wasn’t ready to deal with anything. Not even something that I wanted to do.

But the feelings didn’t last and the longer I took from blogging, the more I saw myself and my mental health improve. – you can read more about it here in my post called: Taking that un-guilty break from blogging.

Deciding to take that break wasn’t easy, I ran through a lot of emotions, put my loved ones through a lot of emotions too as well but I won’t take any of it back as I noticed and started believing in the benefits of taking a little break away from things.

But when deciding to take a break, how do we know its the right time to come back out of hiding and crawl back out from that rock we hide ourselves in while hiding from our own stress and responsibilities. How do you know when you are ready to see that light of day again?

In the end I decided that a week away is what I needed, that a week would help me…and it did. But how did I come to the conclusion that a week is exactly what I needed, how did I know that after a week I’d be ready to take on the world again?

Well the truth is, I didn’t know. In my head, a week seemed like a reasonable enough time to get my head back on my shoulders. A week seemed like a good amount of time to take off and forget there’s even a world around me.

Before taking the break I had decided already that if I were to go through with it, I’d only be able to keep myself away for a week. And I was right. The entire time I was a way I was itching to write something, to DO something but forced myself away.

Then I found myself back into my old routine of self loathing for a little while as I had nothing to pour my bad energy into, at first I even kept myself away from books knowing I’d end up picking one of the ones that needed reviewing and probably end up reviewing it! I had to set myself boundaries and rules and distract my brain with other things to occupy my time.

But by Sunday morning I knew I was ready to go back to blogging on Monday. My heart and my head felt lighter, my body was more relaxed and there was a little peacefulness inside of me for a little bit.

However it wasn’t only the feelings I had that made me believe it was time to come back out of “hiding”.

I had 2 signs show me that I was ready:

  1. Was the feelings I felt. The lightness in my heart, it made me feel as though I was ready to take on the pain of others, to help good people through bad times. I was ready to start chasing my dreams again, not keep fighting and not give up. I truly did feel as though I could take on the world with a genuine smile plastered to my face.
  2. The second came in the form of body weight. For the first time in I don’t even know how long to be honest, I am almost 7 stone! In the week I had taken for myself, I had put on weight without realising it which is a sign that my body is starting to realise when it’s hungry again, starting to unconsciously give me hunger signs back without me even realising it until I weighed myself.

Through this I realised that the break way did me a massive deal of good, but not once did I loose that passion to blog, to write, to help, to keep chasing my dreams.

It showed me that even when doing something we love, something we enjoy, we still need to remember to take a break away from it. Otherwise you’ll find yourself hating the very thing you used to love.

When I realised that just how light I felt, that’s when I knew it was time to come back. That I was ready to face whatever, and ready to keep fighting for the future I want, for the dreams I want to achieve.

And I know I’m not the only one capable of such things! Connecting with so many amazing bloggers/creators/business people/authors and following their journey helps in reminding me that everyone falls off the horse at some point, falling off doesn’t matter, what does is getting back on.

I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my post and I hope you are all having a wonderful week so far! And never forget that if ever you feel the need to talk to someone, my messages are always open to you. I will listen, I won’t judge you, and I can assure you that everything that is discussed between us will be discussed under confidentiality, not a single thing will be shared UNLESS I feel you are harm to yourself or others (but we know most cases that isn’t the case, but I do feel as though it’s something I should state).

Taking that un-guilty break from blogging

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Taking that un-guilty break from blogging

In a busy world that never seems to stop or slow down it can often make us feel as though we are behind in our lives, we are constantly out looking to achieve that goal that will get us that one step closer to where we want to be.

And so often because of this we either forget to take little breaks or we choose not to have them, convincing ourselves that it makes us weak in some way or stressing ourselves by thinking of how far behind we will be if we take that little break.

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selfie with cat mug

But at some point we all have to put down out work\activity\project and pick up a cup of tea with maybe a book or two in order to give our minds a little rest. If you are anything like me then you too find it difficult to justify taking a break, to relax without feeling guilty for it. For the sake of our mental health though, it such an incredibly necessary thing to do.

Last week after experiencing a few very difficult few months where my mental health slipped a little, and after making a tweet and receiving some much needed advice… I made the decision not to give up on my dreams, not to let my mental illness and dark cycles take over again and took a week away from blogging.

Day one, I felt incredibly stupid. Thinking to myself, ‘are you seriously going to take a break in the first year of your blogging days? Are you really that breakable that you can’t handle the responsibility, work and stress that comes with blogging? Are you really that weak?’…

Day one, I found myself in a self-hate thought loop.

Day two, was a little better. I was able to break easily from the self-hate thought loop, however the fact that I was able to break from it made me hopeful that the next day would get better. I still didn’t really want to blog, only wanting to do it because I felt like I HAD to and not because I WANTED to.

Day three, was MUCH easier. The self-hate thought loops came less, I was able to actually enjoy my time away from my laptop and enjoy the present moments.

As the days wore on the less guilty I stated to feel and that was mainly because I realised two things in that week;

  1. I notice a big improvement in my mental health. I’ve even managed to gain the most weight this week than I have probably ever and although I have mixed feelings on my body changing, it’s made me feel more positive and hopeful.
  2. Time way gave me time to refocus, re-plan, re-brand (I’ll be doing a post shortly on what I mean about this) and re-approach how I blog. It’s also helped to give me new ideas for new blog posts!

When taking this break I didn’t pick up a book at first, knowing that if I did I would have picked up one of the ones that it’s my TBR pile and I’d probably end up having written up a review on it and posting onto my blog. And so with that in mind I set myself some rules, some boundaries, because the temptation to do something I told myself I wasn’t allowed to. The temptation of carrying on even though it was stressing me beyond even what I realised was ALMOST too much to resist. Don’t get me wrong I have NO self control what so ever and that usually is my biggest flaw but thankfully I have fallen in love with someone who probably has the most self control I’ve ever witness in one person and he helps keep my temptations kept aside so I am able to focus on the bigger picture.

So what did I do to ensure that I would not dive back into blogging?:

  1. I kept my laptop hidden away inside of two bags and placed in the cupboard (yes I am that bad that I have to resort to such lengths to assure I don’t give into temptation).
  2. I started focusing a little more on my candles, how I really want them to look, how I want them to appear, the labelling and picking out the names of them. A lot of that got swiped aside as I was also focusing on how to make my blog and go through with becoming a blogger.
  3. I focused a little more on planning my WIP (Work in progress) and writing more in my notebooks (yes I did mean I had to buy more notebooks, that part actually made me really happy. I’m always happy to have a reason to buy a new notebook or two).
  4. I took a lot more nature walks with my boyfriend as well as spending a lot more quality time with him (rather than sitting in the same room while I work on my blog and he does his thing).
  5. I started to read for pleasure again. A year or two ago I had stopped reading, finding myself unable to focus on the story line any longer I just stopped reading. I lost my love for reading for a while. That was until I read Olga Gibbs fantastic page turning book Heavenward and Hallow. But even then with my love of reading returned to me I didn’t look for books that I wanted to read and I limited myself to reading ONLY books that I was going to review. If I wasn’t reviewing it, then I wasn’t reading it.
  6. Lastly, I’ve started getting back into all the things I used to love when I was younger. (Reading, Writing, writing music, playing the piano, writing my own poems again and tracking my dreams through a dream journal, and so on).

With everything in mind, I’m VERY much aware of how difficult it can be to make the decision to take that break, to let yourself relax and to accept that you can re-grow from your time away.

But when your mental health is suffering, when you find yourself no longer able to enjoy the things you used to, when getting up in the morning feels like a chore again instead of a blessing to be a wake, to be alive and this opportunity to do something new, something different, something fun or exciting. That’s when you need to be able to step back and think to yourself, ‘I need a break,’ and you need to do so without the guilt.

No one should ever feel guilty for looking after themselves, for being able to say stop when they need to. No one should feel guilty for giving your brain that break, your creativity side that much needed rest to refuel.

No one should feel guilty for taking a needed break.

I want to thank everyone who spoke to me, gave me words of encouragement and advice. I could never repay you for your kind words or for helping in stopping me from making probably one of the worst decisions of my life this year.

I came very close to giving up on my dreams and on my blog but with the support from some incredible people and strangely timed WordPress “achievement” that reminded me a year ago on the 10th August 2018 I made a WordPress account and for 2 months even created a free blog site before quickly deleting it due to self-doubt and insecurities.

WordPress - bloggers - blogging site - one year anniversary - lifestyle blogger - book blogger - review blogger - mental health blogger - life blogger
1 year Anniversary of having WordPress

This year wasn’t about giving up, that was last year, this year is meant be about fighting the fear and fighting for what I want. The biggest fight will always be with myself but I refuse to let that side of me win any longer, I’m ready to live the life I want.

Like my yearly quote says;

If you can’t fight fear, fight scared.

And that’s exactly what I pan to do.

I also want to thank you all so much for sticking by my side and for taking the time to read my post. I hope everyone has a wonderful week a head of them, and don’t let those Monday Blue’s get you!

P.S – I have a Harry Potter giveaway running on my Facebook page, Instagram and Twitter, where I will be picking not 1 but TWO winners. So be sure to check that out!

Twitter – @Tinkableeblog

Facebook Page – LittleTinkablee Blog

Instagram – @Littletinkablee

Writing for myself Again

*Blogger Note*
I have never posted a post this late before but before going to bed I wanted to clear a few things up and thank the wonderful people that I have met on twitter for all they encouraging words and amazing support.

Me-Girl-Selfie-new post- writing - writer - writing for myself again - purple hair - alternative - blogger - mental health blogger - mental health - mental health matters - self portrait
Writing for myself again

As bloggers we want to see our blogs grow and thrive. We all have our own reasoning for wanting this but for me, bigger numbers/bigger viewers mean more people that I could possible help through my blog.

But, while trying to figure out ways to make my blog more attractive for other potential viewers and more interesting I’ve been majorly putting my mental health to the test because the truth is? I’m not all that interesting. I’m useless with technology and find that it annoys me more than I enjoy using it. I have a genuine fear of using technology outside, I won’t use card machines, I now won’t handle a bus ticket on the Arriva Buses as you know have to scan your ticket (I used to avoid getting the card for that reason), I won’t use a self serve till… there’s a lot I won’t do due to fear of it. What if I use it wrong? What if doesn’t work for me and everyone is staring at me? I HATE technology,

When I’m not house bound, I’m out early hours in the morning, or late at night on a walk with my boyfriend and Toby or sometimes we’ll go to a close friends house I have a family member out with me so I can do shopping.

The truth is despite how hard I try and fight my anxiety and all the overwhelming feelings that follow…It still wins. I’ve not figured out how to beat it, I’ve figured out how to have a few good days, sure but. But mostly? I’m riddle with anxiety to the point I am still throwing up in the middle of the days, my legs still go weak, my stomach still turns in knots and it makes it easier for depression to come along and sink it teeth into me.

If you follow me on twitter then you may or may not have seen my tweet that I posted out, one that I do apologise for. I usually try to stray away from social media when I start feeling like that as I don’t really want to be posting my negativity all out there, I want my accounts and blog to be a positive experience for everyone as I know how negative and toxic social media can be.

When my mental illnesses take over, my mental health suffers greatly for it, I end up in a vicious thought loop cycle. I feel so experienced in life, so boring and as though me and my blog has nothing to offer anyone that I get myself questioning why I’m even bothering? Am I even helping anyone? How can I even help people? These are only my words, my thoughts, my feelings…. It’s not anything special and it certainly isn’t anything interesting.

I had a little melt down, I don’t want to go into many details, but after I posted my tweet I retreated to my yoga in the hopes that it would help me…it didn’t. Neither playing with my cats or listening to music or reading, I just couldn’t stop my brain from doing over time enough to focus on the words.

This year I had a focus, a goals for myself. To change my lifestyle in the hopes of creating a more positive life or more positive days. But the past month or two I have failed in doing that.

me-girl-selfie-eating disorder - ED - purple hair - dyed hair - braids - braided hair - weight loss - mental health - mental health blogger - blogger

My eating has gone back down, I no longer snack, the drinks I’m drinking are more unhealthy than I am drinking healthy drinks, the healthiest drink I’m popping into my body is a glass of water and a glass or two of some kind of smoothie. My weight is back down more again, and what progress I was making in my work outs have all but disappeared because I all but stopped doing them. The only thing I have really kept on top of is my yoga but even that I have had to cut back on due to the lack of eating, so my energy levels have been really low lately.

And my family has been under extreme pressure with my little sister’s back surgery (and although she has/is in a lot of pain, she has been a little trooper), my mums one on the way soon and bunch of other things in the mix, its just been really hard to stay motivated and uplifted or positive.

I’ll be taking the weekend to regroup and refocus on myself and my blog. There are a few changes I want to make to it. I’ll still be doing my book reviews and product reviews but I’m going to be viewing them more as a hobby and I’m going to back to writing for me for a little while.

I’ll also be studying extra hard on my online college course while starting a new college course about crystal healing that I’m really excited about taking.

I’ll still be giving out tester candles to anyone who requests ones (for a free and honest review of course) .

My ‘Let’s Talk Pet Series’ and ‘My Bully Experience’ is still on going to anyone who wants their pets featured on my blog or to share their bully experience (to help inspire and show others that bullies never win, that trolls never win and that all their hate only strives our need to achieve our goals that much more stronger).

To submit your bully experience simply;
Email me at: Littletinkable@gmail.com
-Add your name
– short Bio of you
– Your bully experience
– And any pictures you would like added
-And any social media handles you’d like shared

If you aren’t a blogger wanting to send your bully experience all you have to do email me;
-Your name if you wish
– A short Bio (if you wish)
-Your bully experience
– Any pictures you would like added

If you are a writer or creator of ANY kind wanting to share your bully experience on Littletinkablee then simply;
– Your Name
– A short Bio
-Your Bully experience
– Any Social media handles or websites you’d like me to link back to
-And any pictures you would like added

Please note that If you wish me to post your story/ies anonymously then please skipped the steps adding your information and simple send your story over with any pictures you would like added.

To submit your pet story simply;
Email me at Littletinkable@gmail.com;
-Add your name
– A short Bio of yourself
– Any websites and/or social media handles
– Your pet Story
-And of course some pet pictures.

If you aren’t a blogger wanting to send your pet story all you have to do is;
-Your name if you wish
-Your Pet Story
– And some pet pictures

If you are a writer or creator of ANY kind wanting to share your pet story on Littletinkablee then simply;
– A short Bio
– Any Social media handles or websites you’d like me to link back to
-Your name
-And of course pictures!

Please note that If you wish me to post your story/ies anonymously then please skipped the steps adding your information and simple send your story over with any pictures you would like added.

Also My GIVEAWAY is still running and will continue running until Thursday, Friday I’ll pick the winner and Monday I’ll post it off to the lucky person! See my post – Some Bookish/Candle news‘ for more details.

I want to thank everyone who has messaged me and sent me words of encouragement and uplifting/ kind words, I can’t express what that means to me and I’ll forever be grateful for all the kind and amazing people I have met through my short but continued blogging journey. I hope you all have had a better Friday than I did and have a lovely weekends ahead.
Goodnight!

Animals have mental health too

Before we get into this post I just wanted to state that this post was meant for yesterday however none of my work saved that day and I was forced to re-write the whole thing. I was very emotional while re-writing this and it may come across in my post but I don’t want my overemotional self to distract for todays goals, which is raising awareness for our pets mental health. They suffer just as much as we do, if not more so.

So today is still part of Mental Health Awareness Week and opening up more a little on just a small portion of what I have gone through, just a little of the invisible battle I fight on a day to day basis has me feeling a little relieved, proud, hopeful (that’s it’s helped someone), nervous and beyond anxious. I couldn’t tell you how many times I almost convinced myself not to post one of my posts but pushed through my anxiety and fears that is forever raising its ugly head and clicked that ‘publish’ button.

But more than anything it has left me emotionally and mentally fried and on edge. As relieving as it is to finally have some of my demons off my chest and out into the open its still an incredibly difficult thing to open up about so publicly and I still have to stop myself from re-reading through my posts, knowing that I would find some reason for me to delete them. So I do apologise if any of my posts have any grammar/spelling mistake or words missing but I do fear that if I let myself read over them so thoroughly then I’m going to convince myself to delete it. Defeating the whole purpose of writing it in the first place and starting this blog.

So I want to take the attention from my mental health today and direct it onto our pets. Now when we look at animals and think about animals we don’t really take into account that our animals, our pets could be suffering from mental health illnesses. We know that like us, they can have physical illnesses/disabilities, so why do we never think that they can have mental illnesses and disabilities too?

Read my blog post: How, Tilly became Kitt-Katt

Whether you have been following my blog for a long time or not a lot of you will know that I have a cat called Kitt-Katt (yes like the chocolate). Whom I have had for a little over six years now, Kitt-Katt has become my little heart and soul, I don’t know what I’d do without him in my life.

I believe when we pick a pet for ourselves we pick them because we see something in them that we see in ourselves, something broken or lost, or a means to feel needed in life by having another life depend on you. What ever the reason that pet has little piece of our personality in them, it draws us to them in ways we can’t explain.

When I would look at Kitt, It instantly dawned on me that he was cat version of me. I was/am a creature that like him is full of so much anxiety that I’m almost bouncing out of my skin from it, trying to blend into the background and shadows of the world in the hopes to avoid human contact and interaction as much as I can. What I saw in him broke my heart, I couldn’t find it in myself to feel sorry for me, but for him? It wasn’t something I wanted, it was then I’d decided that we’d both find away to beat our mental problems together.

When I first got him he was so very timid, frightful of everything and at times, a little vicious when his fear over took him and he lashed out at someone (usually I’d find my self on the receiving end of his fear/anger because I didn’t want him harming anyone else). He was also worrying skinny to the point you could see bones sticking out of him, it appeared he was so frightful in his last owners home that he couldn’t even bring himself to eat so he never, he let himself starve.

As much as I wanted too I couldn’t really blame his previous owner fully for his condition. She was just uneducated before getting her cat and clearly thought that little care went into looking after one which is probably why she thought it would be a good idea to have one while she had a newly running around and rowdy toddler. I’m angry that she never took having a kitten so seriously, that she never did any research or that she thought her child wouldn’t be so hands on with an animal. It was clear that there was no teaching going on when it came to handling and caring for an animal, and that is what makes me so angry.

If you are going to get an animal for your child, the least you can do is teach your child how to be delicate with the animal, how to play and properly behave around an animal (as apposed to having your child throw a 4 month old kitten into a washing machine and probably just telling your child off for the one action, instead of taking time to sit down and educate them a little so the next time they came a cross an animal they’d be more confident and gentle around it). But this isn’t what this post is about.

For a week he wouldn’t move out of a corner in a room under the dining table out of fear. I could see it in his eyes and it broke my heart. You could see he was suffering and I just couldn’t take it.

When I had finally managed to get him exploring the house a little more, he would instantly run back into that corner of his at the slightest of sounds. After 6 long, hard months of trail and error I had finally got Kitt to the point where he was sleeping in my bed with me, sitting on the couch, sitting next to me while I read a book. I had him playing with toys and gaining a lot more weight.

My boyfriend giving my Kitt-Katt attention and me, taking this opportunity to take a selfie of Kitt-Katt while he has a look of pure love and bliss on his face from the attention he’s being given. (He was also purring really loudly here -hence why I look like I’m about to laugh…I was, he only purrs that loud for my boyfriend!)

Kitt (like myself) instantly took to my boyfreind and was already at ease with him, it forever melts my heart seeing them together and the bond that was instantly in place. Even I had to work for my bond with Kitt and he’s my cat!

It was more than pretty clear that Kitt suffers with extreme anxiety and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and a helping hand as well patience and gentle love and care. It’s taken five years to see a big difference in that time he has had kittens and (before he has his kittens there was no need in getting him done, he wasn’t aggressive with other cats, very submissive and didn’t seem to know why he owned a peinse -for the longest time we all believed I had a gay cat running arounf the house which was prefect for me, it meant I wouldn’t have worry about getting him done and dealing with any babies he makes -so there was never a need to have him done until he met my sister’s cat Misty-Moo.) been done, he has gone missing for two days and come back, he has had a few blow outs and a few set backs but now, now he’s like a totally different cat.

When my Kitt met Misty-Moo he was instantly smitten with her, and it seem her with him. They instantly started playing together. This would be the first time my Kitt played with another cat, he was usually scared of other cats -female and males alike- and only played with humans. You would finding them sleeping side by side together, taking little naps and my Kitt even caught a mouse for her! (Don’t get me wrong I hate when my cats bring dead things into the garden, but the gesture in itself and coming from my Kitt was beyond sweet and something I didn’t even think he would ever do. It really seems as though my Kitt has fallen in love with Misty-moo)

Today Kitt’s anxiety is much less sever than it was 5 years ago, and although he still has his bad days/weeks, he seems to be a lot more happier. It wasn’t easy in getting him to this place, and there had been more than a few occasions where I almost took him to the vets asking for some kind of anxiety medication for him but I wasn’t ready to give up just yet, I still wasn’t convinced that his mental health was so sever that he needed the medication, I still believed he just needed to be shown the proper love, care and patience.

I have another pet with a mental health issue which I will post tomorrow as the last day of Mental Health Awareness Week (though I am going to continue posting a lot more mental health awareness related posts for Mental Health Awareness Month)

I hope that this post can make you look and view your pets in a different light, and if your pet seem extra timid or angry/vicious it could be for a really good reason. They could be mentally or even physically suffering! Take them to the vet, see if their behaviour is caused by a bone or skin or something other unseen problem. If not, stop and think maybe your pet is suffering mentally then, and if so, you then need to determine whether it’s so bad that your love, care, patience, time and energy won’t be able to help them then please take them to the vet and get them the medication they need. I don’t like the thought of any animals on medication, but like with us humans sometimes we need that extra bit of help that no one, not even ourselves can give us.

Last week I had made the decision for myself to go back onto anti-depressants, I have them sat in my cupboard untouched because I’m still not entirely sure about it, however the past couples of months have made me think more and more, and I have been thinking that I may need that little extra bit of help until I can fully help myself right now. And I’m not sure if I’ll even end up taking them this year but I want others to know that it’s OKAY if the help of others and yourself isn’t getting you anywhere, if their help isn’t helping, it doesn’t make you weak or a bad person for needing medication. Everyone has their ways of help, sometimes our problems are more extreme than others which mean sometimes that extra bit of help is needed.

And it doesn’t make you a bad pet owner if you can’t help your pet. Like us sometimes the need more help than we can provide and that’s OKAY. That’s helping them and giving them the relief and peace they never even knew existed. Helping your pet doesn’t make you a bad pet owner.

And to pet owners thinking about giving up their pet due to behaviour, please just take a second to stop and think… What if there more to it that meets the eye, what you can still get to keep your pet and help your pet feel the peace and love it needs.

Please don’t give up on your pets, they wouldn’t give up on you!

Depression and suicidal thoughts

Today’s post is a little more sensitive than most of my post to do with mental health. I’ve shared a little on battle with server anxiety with my two post called: ‘Stop writing anxiety off as something minor‘ and ‘Coping with anxiety outside’ – a post where others who are fighting their own anxiety battle shared their tips and tricks on coping with their anxiety outside. And I even shared a post talking a little about my struggles with my eating disorder.

But today we won’t be talking about anxiety or about eating disorders. Today I wanted to approach the topic of Depression and Suicidal thoughts. This is something that I’ve kept to myself a lot, a subject even I’m unwilling to open up about around my family (who have been my biggest supporters) and at times a subject I won’t even acknowledge to myself.

What is Depression?


Depression is a on overly strong feeling of hopelessness, incredibly low moods and self-worth,disturbed sleep/ appetite, and a loss of interest for all things you once loved. It is one of the most common mental health problem that us as humans face on a regular basis and yet it is still one of the most undermined mental health problem out there.

Depression is a mental health illness that affects a lot of children, young adults and people in their early 30s – early 50s.

  • 20% of adolescents may experience a mental health (more commonly depression or anxiety) problem in any given year.
  • 50% of mental health problems are established by age 14 and 75% by age 24. (That’s a lot of young people!)

Depression has many different symptoms that vary among different people, but generally encompass a feeling of unbearable sadness and hopelessness. The symptoms that can be brought on by depression can go from mild to moderate to severe and in which case if you are experiencing such overwhelming feelings and thoughts everyday (or almost every day) for more than two weeks, you should seek help from your GP.

Here are some (but not nearly all) symptoms of Depression:

  • Tiredness and loss of energy
  • Overwhelming sadness that doesn’t go away
  • Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Incredible difficulty in concentrating
  • Not being able to enjoy the things you once found interesting or pleasurable
  • Feeling anxious all the time
  • Avoiding other people, even your close friends
  • A suffocating feeling of helplessness and hopelessness
  • Sleeping problems – You sleep to much, can’t sleep at all, or waking up much earlier than is usual for you.
  • Strong feelings of guilt and/or worthlessness
  • Finding it hard to function at work/collage/school
  • Change in your behaviour
  • A loss of appetite
  • A loss in sex drive and/or sexual problems
  • Physical aches and pains (the mind can truly be a powerful thing)
  • Thinking about suicide and death
  • Self-harming

What are suicidal thoughts?


Suicidal thoughts is an abstract way of thinking about ending your life or believing that you and everyone around you would be better off without in the world with them.

In 2013 (6 years ago) there were 6,233 suicide recorded in the Uk for people 15 and older. Of these, 78% were male and 22% were female.


https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/

Suicide and Self-harm are not mental health problems themselves, but they are linked with mental health distress.

There are certain factors that can make individuals more vulnerable to risk of suicide, such as:

  • Drug and Alcohol misuse
  • History of trauma and/or abuse
  • Unemployment
  • Social isolation
  • Poverty
  • Poor social conditions
  • Imprisonment
  • Violence
  • Family break down

Suicide is widely often avoided by many people around the world. With such a terrible stigma surrounding it and not enough people understanding it, a lot of people keep these thoughts to themselves out of shame or fear of getting an angry response.

In England, more than 4,00 suicides (among people aged 15 and over) were registered in 2013. Of this figure, two thirds were male and one third were female.

Suicide is the largest cause of death for men aged 20-49 years in England and Wales. In 2012, more than three quarters of deaths by suicide were by men.

As the previous figures indicate, the rates of suicide have been lower for women than for men, and this has remained consistent over time. Between 2981 and 2007, suicide rates in the UK fell significantly for both sexes. However, since 2007, the suicide rate for women stayed constant while the rate for men has increased significantly.

(Keep in mind these are statistics from over 6 years ago and since 2014-2015 the rise in suicide has jumped just as significantly as it has lowered. Suicide can be just as unpredictable as the people suffering.


https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/ < (Click to found out more on suicide and mental health)

One of the most discriminatory stereotypes that persists is the incorrect association between mental health problems and violent behaviour. I fear the media may play a big role in portraying that people with mental health problems are violent.

A 2011 study on discrimination in England reported that 14% of national newspaper articles addressing mental health issues referred to those with mental health problems as being a danger to others. (utterly ridiculous if you ask me).

  • Studies have shown that the estimated risk of violence by people with mental health problems ranges from 3% to 5%
  • People with mental health problems are more likely to be victims of violence compared to those without mental health problems.

In a 2013 British survey among persons with severe mental health problems, it was found that;

– 45% had been victims of crime in the previous year
– 1 in 5 had experienced a violent assault
– people with mental health problems were 3 times more likely to be a victim of assault and any crime than those without
– women with severe mental health problems were 10 times more likely to experience assault than those without
– people with mental health problems were more likely to report that the police had been unfair to them compared to the general population.

My (shortened) story with Depression and Suicidal thoughts

My story with depression starts at a really young age (though not as young as kids today experience depression). I was a really naive child, I believed in all the good things in the world, I never really paid any attention to the bad. Everything was just a new and exciting adventure for me.

I lost that feeling of life being once big fun adventure when I was 6 maybe 7 years old. It was a tough time for me and my family, things had started to become unhinged and more uncertain for me. My little sister was going through the same thing and so I had to throw on my big sister shoes and comfort her. The stress and the new feeling of responsibility I had then I had for my sister started to weigh in on me. But I didn’t realise it for what it was at the time.

And when you are so young and when you were as naive as I was it was just so easy to push away the bad things and pretended they never existed. We moved house a lot more around that time, which meant that me and my sister moved schools a lot. Being so close in age and looking like twins at the time me and my sister was as close as actual identical twins, we were always treated us such until we both hit certain ages. For a long time it was me and my little sister against the big bad, scary world.

Moving house became a new adventure to us, learning a new area and being in a new school, it was just all part of the fun. Part of our adventure.

But then it wasn’t long before they stopped becoming adventures and started becoming more like…Missions. Missions I didn’t want to be a apart of anymore. The moving around, making new friends, fighting off new bullies, defending my sister from new people, learning a new area and leaving all behind all over again. It started to drag on my soul a little.

Then I became a teenager and a whole set of new problems and hormones and other person problems started flying my way. And there were so many times I just want all the noise, all the images of different faces and places to stop. So many times I’ve sat there and I’ve thought of all the ways I could make it stop. But couldn’t because I has to look after my mum and my little sister, and then my other little sisters and little brother.

Taking on that role gave me a new meaning to life, I had a mission, a mission I’d never stop at doing. Protecting and looking out for the ones I love. It’s helped pull me out of some really dark times, they have helped pull me out of some really dark times and I love them all the more for it.

But sometimes even the love off of those you love can’t keep the demons at bay. Sometimes the demons are just too strong and take on different forms. There have been a few small and very minor incidents where my depression has taken a hold over my heart, body and soul so much that I’ve self-harmed and I’ve had those thoughts about picking up those pills and making sure I took enough to never come back. I’ve thought about ways that be fast and sufficient knowing how much of a coward I am I wouldn’t be able to take the pain and disappointment of finding out I failed at taking my own life. At the disappointment and even more of a burden I’m then going to be on the people I love.

There are a lot of people out there who don’t understand how a person can get to the point of taking ones life and may think they are even selfish or cowards, but until you are in their shoes, have felt the emotions coursing through their body, the thoughts firing through their heads or have nothing of your own to live for… You don’t get the right to label them that.

Depression is a common mental health problem that affects everyone differently at different levels. You are never going to fully understand what a person is going through, but there are a lot of people who can understand some of what you are going through and sometimes that’ll all we need, is confirmation that we aren’t alone in this, that these thoughts are normal and they can eventually be fought off.

I truly I hope that this post can inspire you to reach out for help or talk a little more openly about your depression or suicidal thoughts. From someone who has had more than her fair share of them you aren’t alone in this. And I implore anyone who needs a listening ear to reach out to me (My email: littletinkable@gmail.com) and I will help in any way I can. If you need someone to understand, some advice or just a non judgemental open ear (I know trust doesn’t come easy) but you can trust that that is what you’ll receive from our conversations. I am not a qualified therapist (though I hope once I beat my anxiety & other issues I can get back to my psychology studies and go back to working towards becoming a therapist) I’m happy and always willing to offer what help/advice I can.

If you don’t feel comfortable emailing me then feel free to reach out to me through my other media plat forms:

Twitter – @Tinkableeblog

Facebook – LittleTinkablee

Instagram – LittleTinkablee

Books saved my life

“She reads books as one would breath air, to fill up and life.”

Today I thought I would share with everyone the real truth behind my love for reading. Now I know I have told the story a few times to people on how I became so obsessed with reading after all I used to write and read my own stories when I was child, however, I hardly ever picked up a book written by another person.

But on a particularity boring day, the sun was shining, the warm weather had kicked in and so too had the start of my extreme anxiety and the start of depression. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house that day, my step dad had decided that football would be an amazing thing to watch that day and so I ventured upstairs into my mum room (I used to nap my mums room because I always felt safer there) but I wasn’t able to go to sleep. I wasn’t able to shut out the world around me and so picked up the first book my hand touched. Which just so happened to be ‘Twilight’ by Stephenie Meyer.

I had found a new love for books that day, I was unable to place it down and ended up taking it to my room where I continued to read it through out the night with no sleep. Once that was finished I instantly picked up the next and the next and the next.

I was devastated when I finished reading all of the Twilight books. What was I going to read now? That was the first book that had ever sucked me in and made forget the world I was in and to feel as though I was in the world of someone else.

With that thought in mind I ventured back to my mums room to take a look at all the other books my mum had laying around. My mother is one of the biggest book lovers I have ever known, loved reading from an early age as a child her favourite books to read where the Grimm Tales by Jacob Grimm books. I’ve recently bought her an old book by Jacob Grimm for mothers day that I really hope she enjoys.

The next book I picked up was The Vampire Diaries Volume 1; Awakening & The struggle – book 1-2 by L. J. Smith which I had just gotten overly obsessed with. I never wanted to put the book down for even a second of my time! It was after reading these books my love for reading truly came into play and I bought book after book.

At this point in my life I had start high school and was entering probably my 5th month of being there, already started the process of distancing myself away from people, I stopped hanging out with my friends and when I did I never had anything to say or add to our conversations. It was as though I no longer cared for the social game, I didn’t care if the pretty girls like me and thought I was cool, I no longer cared if I had any of the boys attention, I no longer cared for my work or the grades that I had spent all my life working hard to get better at. I just didn’t care anymore. Life with and around humans just didn’t seem like something I could carry on doing any more. I didn’t feel human… I still don’t at times.

I tried, I tried to keep in the conversation with my friends, I tried to engage in petty talk and breaking up arguments between my girlfriends, I tried to show interest in my school crush and I really did try caring about the mark the teachers were handing back to me but everything had started to feel…. not pointless but….Insane.

It honestly seemed insane to me that we were forced to do things we didn’t want to just because we were born into this society, because the people in power have told us this is best and this is what must be done. I noticed more the older I got the less people cared for you and your well being, teachers only start caring about the marks and numbers the school is making, kids stop dreaming about becoming a singers and wrestlers and start thinking about child-care or building… I watched kids go from dreams to piratical thinking and it killed any and every magic I thought was left in the world.

I believed all magic was gone by this point. I was locking myself away, I didn’t want to interact with anyone friend, family or stranger. There were a few moments of self-harm (luckily it was all shallow and not at all something that would leave any scars), there were so many moments that I just slept away because I was so sick of being awake, of being alive and there were countless of nights/days where I thought about suicide, where I thought about all the pros to be going gone, to not being here anymore… but there was always a major con that kept me here.

My family. Who’d help look after them, who would be there for them? Who would drop everything at drop of a hat to go running to try and save the day? My mother and siblings me the absolute world to me, they’re the only people in the world that understand my crazy & weird and love me unconditionally for it anyway. I couldn’t put them through something like that, I could do that and leave them thinking there was something they could have done, I didn’t want them living with the guilt that there was something that could have been done.

But even that thought was barely keeping me on. It wasn’t until I opened up that first book by Stepheine Meyer that magic was restored back into my life, it was as if a switch had been touched and a light had come on. All the fairy-tales that become Grimm’s Tales for me became the magical, soft and vibrant fairy tales they once used to be to me.

Books have restored my love for life, its given me a reason to go on, it’s given me something to escape to when reality gets to hard and scary. The creative imagination and other worldly views created by amazing people is what’s inspired me to become a writer of my own, to become an aspiring author who will one day have her book out on shelves in shops and in photos on Instagram from those who have read/bought my creation.

If you don’t read, if you’re kids don’t read then I beg you give it try! Find them a book they will like or do what my mum taught me to do and teach your kids to write their own little stories they can read. Books saved my life in the same way music saves others. It’s restored my faith in magic and has given me a goal to focusing my energy on.

You can’t buy happiness but you can buy books, and that’s kind of the same thing…

This is one quote i have forever and always loved because it’s true, for me anyway. happiness can’t be bought but I find a little bit of happiness in every book i open, in ever page i turn and in ever new world I enter.