Writing for myself Again

*Blogger Note*
I have never posted a post this late before but before going to bed I wanted to clear a few things up and thank the wonderful people that I have met on twitter for all they encouraging words and amazing support.

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Writing for myself again

As bloggers we want to see our blogs grow and thrive. We all have our own reasoning for wanting this but for me, bigger numbers/bigger viewers mean more people that I could possible help through my blog.

But, while trying to figure out ways to make my blog more attractive for other potential viewers and more interesting I’ve been majorly putting my mental health to the test because the truth is? I’m not all that interesting. I’m useless with technology and find that it annoys me more than I enjoy using it. I have a genuine fear of using technology outside, I won’t use card machines, I now won’t handle a bus ticket on the Arriva Buses as you know have to scan your ticket (I used to avoid getting the card for that reason), I won’t use a self serve till… there’s a lot I won’t do due to fear of it. What if I use it wrong? What if doesn’t work for me and everyone is staring at me? I HATE technology,

When I’m not house bound, I’m out early hours in the morning, or late at night on a walk with my boyfriend and Toby or sometimes we’ll go to a close friends house I have a family member out with me so I can do shopping.

The truth is despite how hard I try and fight my anxiety and all the overwhelming feelings that follow…It still wins. I’ve not figured out how to beat it, I’ve figured out how to have a few good days, sure but. But mostly? I’m riddle with anxiety to the point I am still throwing up in the middle of the days, my legs still go weak, my stomach still turns in knots and it makes it easier for depression to come along and sink it teeth into me.

If you follow me on twitter then you may or may not have seen my tweet that I posted out, one that I do apologise for. I usually try to stray away from social media when I start feeling like that as I don’t really want to be posting my negativity all out there, I want my accounts and blog to be a positive experience for everyone as I know how negative and toxic social media can be.

When my mental illnesses take over, my mental health suffers greatly for it, I end up in a vicious thought loop cycle. I feel so experienced in life, so boring and as though me and my blog has nothing to offer anyone that I get myself questioning why I’m even bothering? Am I even helping anyone? How can I even help people? These are only my words, my thoughts, my feelings…. It’s not anything special and it certainly isn’t anything interesting.

I had a little melt down, I don’t want to go into many details, but after I posted my tweet I retreated to my yoga in the hopes that it would help me…it didn’t. Neither playing with my cats or listening to music or reading, I just couldn’t stop my brain from doing over time enough to focus on the words.

This year I had a focus, a goals for myself. To change my lifestyle in the hopes of creating a more positive life or more positive days. But the past month or two I have failed in doing that.

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My eating has gone back down, I no longer snack, the drinks I’m drinking are more unhealthy than I am drinking healthy drinks, the healthiest drink I’m popping into my body is a glass of water and a glass or two of some kind of smoothie. My weight is back down more again, and what progress I was making in my work outs have all but disappeared because I all but stopped doing them. The only thing I have really kept on top of is my yoga but even that I have had to cut back on due to the lack of eating, so my energy levels have been really low lately.

And my family has been under extreme pressure with my little sister’s back surgery (and although she has/is in a lot of pain, she has been a little trooper), my mums one on the way soon and bunch of other things in the mix, its just been really hard to stay motivated and uplifted or positive.

I’ll be taking the weekend to regroup and refocus on myself and my blog. There are a few changes I want to make to it. I’ll still be doing my book reviews and product reviews but I’m going to be viewing them more as a hobby and I’m going to back to writing for me for a little while.

I’ll also be studying extra hard on my online college course while starting a new college course about crystal healing that I’m really excited about taking.

I’ll still be giving out tester candles to anyone who requests ones (for a free and honest review of course) .

My ‘Let’s Talk Pet Series’ and ‘My Bully Experience’ is still on going to anyone who wants their pets featured on my blog or to share their bully experience (to help inspire and show others that bullies never win, that trolls never win and that all their hate only strives our need to achieve our goals that much more stronger).

To submit your bully experience simply;
Email me at: Littletinkable@gmail.com
-Add your name
– short Bio of you
– Your bully experience
– And any pictures you would like added
-And any social media handles you’d like shared

If you aren’t a blogger wanting to send your bully experience all you have to do email me;
-Your name if you wish
– A short Bio (if you wish)
-Your bully experience
– Any pictures you would like added

If you are a writer or creator of ANY kind wanting to share your bully experience on Littletinkablee then simply;
– Your Name
– A short Bio
-Your Bully experience
– Any Social media handles or websites you’d like me to link back to
-And any pictures you would like added

Please note that If you wish me to post your story/ies anonymously then please skipped the steps adding your information and simple send your story over with any pictures you would like added.

To submit your pet story simply;
Email me at Littletinkable@gmail.com;
-Add your name
– A short Bio of yourself
– Any websites and/or social media handles
– Your pet Story
-And of course some pet pictures.

If you aren’t a blogger wanting to send your pet story all you have to do is;
-Your name if you wish
-Your Pet Story
– And some pet pictures

If you are a writer or creator of ANY kind wanting to share your pet story on Littletinkablee then simply;
– A short Bio
– Any Social media handles or websites you’d like me to link back to
-Your name
-And of course pictures!

Please note that If you wish me to post your story/ies anonymously then please skipped the steps adding your information and simple send your story over with any pictures you would like added.

Also My GIVEAWAY is still running and will continue running until Thursday, Friday I’ll pick the winner and Monday I’ll post it off to the lucky person! See my post – Some Bookish/Candle news‘ for more details.

I want to thank everyone who has messaged me and sent me words of encouragement and uplifting/ kind words, I can’t express what that means to me and I’ll forever be grateful for all the kind and amazing people I have met through my short but continued blogging journey. I hope you all have had a better Friday than I did and have a lovely weekends ahead.
Goodnight!

Blogging with severe anxiety

When looking through a blog you don’t really take into account that perhaps the mind behind the blog, could be riddled with nothing but anxiety but for me that’s my life.

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blogging with severe anxiety

I know that a lot of people escape to the cyber world as a “easier” way to connect with other people, as a less anxious way of connecting with other people. But unfortunately I’ve not fully experienced this, I mean sure, I DO find it easier to connect and engage with people on the internet than I do in real life but all the anxiety that comes with talking to someone in person, still follows me when I try the same thing online.

I feel like because I have spent so much of my time locking myself away from people, that communicating to others is just as difficult for me as talking to animals, I feel like I am saying all the wrongs things, coming off strange, intense, emotional? Maybe even at times crazy, though that could be my own personal feelings being projected outwardly. One of my biggest fears is becoming insane, a strange fear to carry I suppose but one I have never been able to shake off. Between fearing that and barbie dolls… my nightmares can be interesting to say the least.

But I’m rambling and getting myself off topic.

I maybe be stalling a little to, if I were honest with myself. Anxiety is a very close and sensitive subject for me, it’s something I have spent many years blaming for ruining my life before I even got the chance to begin one. I’ve spent my whole life helping others anyway I can, keeping my head down when possible, staying out of trouble (As much as one can), keeping the old saying, ‘treat others how you want to be treated’, Glued to memory. But over time quickly came to realise that I was one of a VERY small few you stuck to such an oath.

As I got older, my need to protect myself out weighed the need to protect someone else and instead of going out of my way to help people, I found myself only helping those I happened to come across needing help, then it got to the point where I wasn’t even doing that because I wasn’t leaving my house.

During that time I never saw myself as locking myself away from people or not experiencing anything because I lived my life in books. From the moment my eyes were open to the moment I could no longer stay awake I was reading, I was living the adventure of someone else, exploring a new world, meeting new and exciting people, helping and saving others. To me I wasn’t missing out on anything because I was experiencing it all every time I touch a book or started writing another of my own.

But of course books weren’t my saving grace for long, I eventually started to notice just how lonely and out of touch with… everything, I was, that I still am. And although my boyfriend manage to save me in parts and massively help me in others, my anxiety has still manage to overrule me, overrule my life.

My anxiety known’s no bounds.

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blogging with severe anxiety

And it’s followed me through my blogging too. There isn’t a moment that goes by that I’m not twitching with the thought of deleting my blog and just ending the constant anxiety that has clung to me since starting it.

Putting yourself out into the world can be a scary thing, to someone who finds it incredibly difficult to leave the house to go across the road (a two minute journey if that!) to go into the shop for something as simple as milk, putting yourself out into the world can feel like a death sentence.

A blog at first seemed like a less scary root to take, a lesser of two evils if you will. It seemed like I’d be able to have a lot of control over who views it…which kind of defeated the goals I had intended for this blog.

If I want my blog to reach people, to help people, inspire people or simply even entertain/ interest them for a few minutes then I had to accept keeping my blog open for people to view, I had to have less control over the privacy settings, for what was the point in having a blog for people to read if I kept it on private so no one could?

I don’t read my own posts, which I know is terrible because I also know there are many mistakes that need correcting. But I just can’t bring myself to go through my posts, I don’t trust myself not to delete them if I’m being completely honest.

I always tell everyone that the comments are open for your own opinion and good or bad I want to hear them…but I do have my comments on monitored as in I monitor every comment that comes in and it doesn’t get publicly seen unless I want it to and I told myself it was because of trolls, and a few months ago that would have been 100% true as there was a particular one that has been emotionally and mentally exhausting me but other than that one? And one other incident that occurred with another “mental health blogger” – I air quote that because I’m not entirely sure that that’s what he is at the moment, it just seems to me more than anything he is reaching out and looking for other mental health suffers to mess with- who later apologised for his behaviour towards the end of the night.

Other than those two, VERY small negative things, I have not had one issue with anyone I have come across online, nor an issue since starting my blog. No one has come to personally attack me or my blog and for most people that would be reassurance enough for them. I’ve made friends with bloggers who have been attacked by many trolls but are still brave enough to keep their comments from monitoring them the way I can.

Usually what I do is, I write a post out and I will post it on whatever day I had decided that it should go out on. After that I’ll promote it as quickly as possible and just s quickly try to forget about it, I don’t go back to it and read over what I have write, I don’t correct the mistakes that are made and I don’t notice them to begin with because I never give myself the chance to.

I really want to change the way I have been approaching blogging. I have been quoting all year, “If you can’t fight fear, then fight scared” but I’m still letting fear fight and beat me. I’m still letting it control me in some ways and I really don’t want to show across my blog, this whole year is about BIG and HEALTHY, changes and I feel that changing my tactic when it comes to how I blog could truly benefit both me, my blog and anyone out there reading it.

It’s time to truly let go of my fear, to accept the negative that comes along with it but also to embrace all the positive benefits that it can bring too.

I wish you all, as always, a wonderful start to the week. Don’t let those Monday blue’s catch you! Whatever you are going through, whatever challenge you are facing, you can face and there isn’t a soul out there that doesn’t have another caring for them, even if all the negativity in your life has blinded you to them, never lose hope!

Anxiety and Memory Loss

So I’ve suffered with anxiety for pretty much a great deal of my life, It’s taken over and consumed it until anxiety is all that I came to live and breath. So having lived and fought with it so long you would think that I would known all there is to know about anxiety, you’d think that I would have researched all there is about something that has taken control of my life to the point it no longer feels like my life.

But that isn’t the case…In fact it seems the more I research it and look into it more, the more questions I have, the more I find there is to anxiety and the different types of anxiety that people suffer with. It’s like a never ending tunnel of different kind of symptoms, from mild, medium, to so extreme in rare case some people were having to be placed into a medically induced coma (of course, something not issued as a light solution but a temporary one to help the anxiety sufferer mind and body to get rest and much needed sleep and to heal a bit before further help can be given).

Recently I came a cross a status or tweet (I honestly can’t remember -which I guess goes with theme/title of today’s post) of someone talking about their anxiety and how people never talk about it affecting their memory… This was HUGE news to me.

Anyone who knows me knows how badly I struggle with my memory, it’s something that has bothered and effecting my life for…well I couldn’t really say, but for far too long, that much I do know. But it never occurred to me that it could be down to my high level of anxiety, it’s never been something that anyone has suggest as a reason to me.

I can understand how it could be hard for a lot of people to link anxiety and memory loss together, especially when most people suffering with anxiety to that level are usually on medication, just link it to something else (like depression) or they are finding their own ways to cope with it, for example, alcohol.

So how is anxiety and memory loss linked exactly?

When we become stressed or anxious, our bodies release adrenaline into the bloodstream. ‘Adrenaline’ is a hormone produced by the adrenal glands during high stress or exciting situations. This in turn causes the body to release another hormone called ‘cortisol.’

Both chemicals are designed to give you energy and strength in case you need to fight or run away. Cortisol remains in your body much longer than adrenaline and this can affect the brain cells involved in memory. It does this by disrupting the function of neurotransmitters, which carry information between brain cells. The end result? Your brain struggles to process information and lay down memories.

Anyone who suffers or has suffered with anxiety will understand just how exhausting and all-consuming it can be. With such strong emotions running through our bodies, through our minds and chemicals rushing through our bloodstream it can bring on; memory loss. “Imagine that anxiety is powerful energy that pulsates through the body and mind and perpetuates negative emotions and sensationalised thoughts,” says psychologist Carder Stout, PhD.  “The energy may become so dominant that it overrides our normal ability to function and self-regulate.”

So in other words, when you are feeling such highly strong emotions like anguish or fear it can be easy for our minds to focus on on that one thing, that one emotion too intensely, bringing about memory loss. Our brains are so focused on the bad and the negative that everything good or mundane gets forgotten, while everything bad, scary and negative stays and clings to us.

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I hope this can help spread a little awareness to others who also suffer anxiety and may be suffering bad memory like myself who doesn’t have anything else they could possibly link their bad memory to.

I didn’t always have bad memory, when I was younger I prided myself on how good my memory was, I was constantly testing myself. But now I can barely remember what I was doing five minutes ago. It’s hinder me in a lot of ways, my self-confidence being the big one, it makes me feel as though I wouldn’t be good enough to do the things I want. But you know what? That isn’t true and to prove that to myself I applied myself for an online counselling course to help get me a step closer to achieving one of my dreams.

You aren’t alone, and there are people out there who can relate to you just as I have started to find people who can relate to similar things I am going through.

If you ever feel the need to talk but feel you don’t have anyone to talk to then please feel free to email at: littletinkable@gmail.com or contact me through any of my social platforms, my messages are always open and although I can not offer professional advice, you will always be offered a confidential conversation (unless of course I fear yours or others saftey) and a non-judgemental and open ear.

It’s never weak to seek out or accept help. The first steps to getting betting is accepting you need to get better, the next step to seek out someone who can help get you there.

We Are Not A Dumping Ground For Your Misplaced Anger

If you follow me on Twitter then I’m sure a lot of you will be aware of the…twitter melt down that went on last night.

Last night I had come across a rather angry man on a twitter chat I like to join in on ever Tuesday hosted by @Ukblogawards. A chat that I have enjoyed immensely since I started blogging this year.

He was being extremely rude in their comments, claiming that the @Ukblogawrds were neglecting and ignoring him for no reason. I decided to intervene and try and stop him from continuing posting abusive and rude comments, at one point I told him the internet may not be the place for him if he is so paranoid, defensive and aggressive on it, I even let him know that my dms are always open to anyone seeking help, advice or need to talk because they have no one to talk to or because they aren’t comfortable talking to those they do know…only to have him throw one at me to which I told him was completely rude and out of line and that I didn’t feel comfortable having my dms open to such an angry and aggressive person.

His reply to that was to start messaging me. Once it had seemed I had managed to talk him down he started talking about his blog for male mental health. First he had stated that he was angry because he is struggling and alone, 2 weeks ago he’d stated to me that he was supposedly fine. I told him he couldn’t be taking his anger like that on others, that he was only turning away any potential help that could be offered to him because of his aggression.

He said he was sorry, I accepted it and then he started talking more about him feel down and struggling (I won’t get into what was actually said word for word as all my conversations -good or bad – stays private between me and who ever contacts me. I respect privacy).

I eventually suggest he take up yoga, I felt like after the brief talk that yoga would be a great way to help him control and challenge his emotions into a more positive energy or at the very least help control them enough that they wouldn’t over rule him. Yoga has done wonders in helping me with my emotions since I started taking it more seriously.

He then asked if he could trust in confining in me and I told him what I tell everyone, ‘All my conversations with people are strictly confidential and non-judgemental (however if you start talking or I feel that what we are talking about will lead to harm of you or another person then I will feel the obligated to reach out to someone else who would be much suited to helping you)

After informing me that he has told women stuff before and its ended up all over social media, he also said that he wasn’t trying to say that I would do that but maybe I could understand why he was anxious. I did understand but what he said had also raised a little red flag for me and made me a little uncomfortable. He had specified ‘women’ having done him harm and lending a helping hand in his paranoid thoughts and distrust. After he had said that I instantly started thinking that right now maybe opening up and talking to a male would be more benefiting for him right now than any female mental health blogger/advocate.

But I had already offered my services and it didn’t feel right to turn someone (who was clearly seeking help of some sort) away. I spoke to him for a little and then things were directed to his blog and about him feeling bad that it wasn’t so good. He told me that no one followed his blog nor engaged with him and he believes that 99% of the blogging community hates him.

I said to him, ‘You just need to try a different approach, the blogging community doesn’t hate you, you just need to do more research and change the way you think/approach things (because being angry and getting aggressive doesn’t work).

He said he wanted to be a successful mental health blog for men (we all want to see our blogs become successful). So again I suggest he does more research, tries different approaches, and not to expect things too happen fast. He then went on to tell me that he had been blogging for 4 four years and six posts up.

So I told him that six posts isn’t nearly enough (especially when you want to be a successful blogger of any sorts). That he had to put more work, time and attention into his posts. I also said that blogging is almost a 24hr job (for people like me its pretty much is 24/7). I then went onto to saying that if he wasn’t willing or flexible enough to be more consistent in his blogging them maybe it wasn’t the right thing for him right now. After all, sometimes life just gets in the way of what we really want to do.

After that his reply was to tell me that, ‘he was trying to keep himself calm but he had done 5 years in uni doing marketing and blogging, that he knows how to blog and what he is doing. and told me that I am patronising him like everyone else, that everyone thinks hes dumb rather than trying to give him advice.’

That was not at all what I was trying to do or imply. Simply that research is what has benefited me since I started blogging this year and it could him as well as other.

He then starts to get aggressive with me again. Telling me he knew how to blog, he just didn’t know what the point was (he did swear around this point at me) when no one supports him.

I told him his behaviour was out of line and that I didn’t mean any harm in what I said, that he had asked me for advice and advice is what I gave him. It wasn’t my fault if he saw it as advice or not, that’s what it was and nothing more.

He told me because I called him rude it meant that nobody liked him. That he has been humiliated, hurt and betrayed for 31 years. (Now I’m sorry, I really am. But you are talking aggressively to a 21 year old girl, just trying to help people out. Being hurt by others isn’t an excuses to be a horrible person).

I told him that I was trying to help him but then he decided to laugh and sarcastically say, “really by telling me be consistent lol that’s common sense.” (I’m sorry that you didn’t see my words as advice by maybe if you had handle things more gentlemanly then I could have offered more advice to you).

I told him that maybe the internet isn’t for you and he then replied with, “so what you’re saying is I spent 5 years at uni for nothing.” Now, Uni was never mentioned from me, only him. I really have no interest where people have been, only in if I can help now or not. In this case I really couldn’t help this person.

He continues on messages me saying that he was asking for my help, that he wanted advice and that telling him to be consistent isn’t advice, that telling him hes dumb and wasted 5 years of his life is not advice. Which I agree, telling him he’s dumb and wasted 5 years of his life is not advice…if it was something I actually told him… Again none of these words were said to him, these are words he is telling me he sees when reading my replies. Another reason as to why I really believe he shouldn’t be on the internet right now.

By that point I told him he was rude and disrespectful, and horrible to talk to, goodbye.

that I couldn’t help him and that I was going to block him. And so I blocked him. I then went to my twitter page to let others know who seek any advice or help from me that I am not here to be your personal dumping ground for your misplaced anger.

The man I had tried helping quickly jumped onto another account and all while he was trying to publicly paint me in a bad light, while he continued to through verbal abuse at me, he was also messaging me and trying to post abusive comments onto my blog.

THIS IS NOT OKAY BEHAVIOUR! And I will not stand for it and I will defend myself against it. I am here to help people. I am not here for you to let out your obsessive anger issues.

It took telling him that I would have to go to the police to get him to stop harassing me and have him say he was sorry and that he hoped that we could talk again some time this year. If you are reading this, I want to let you know now, I will not be taking any more messages from you. You had more than plenty of chance from me, I offered my help many times and you are just to aggressive to handle. I truly believe that you should NOT be on the internet right now and that you should continue your private help. I would also rethink being a blog for male mental health right now when no one feels comfortable enough to talk with you.


Guys, us mental health bloggers/advocates are human too. We are not trying to help because we have our lives together and are happy and content with ourselves and life. We do it because we know what it is like to be in your shoes, we do it because we know what it feels like to be in that much mental and emotional pain that we wouldn’t wish to see out worst enemies in that much pain (though 9 out of 10 times its usually ourselves that are our worst enemies).

We don’t do this so you can let your frustration and anger out on us. It’s certainly isn’t why I offer my help to everyone. We don’t do this so you have someone to blame and hate, we are doing this to try and help you to stop doing that to yourself. I am doing this so no one is as overruled an controlled by their mental health the same way I am.

I am human, I have my struggles (A lot of them) and I have full of many faults but I have never had anyone claim that I have intentionally hurt them. I was taught at a very young age that everyone needs help, and if no one is helping you then you help other people. I don’t reap what I sow, I have never enjoyed that saying, I accept and forgive the bad done to me and try an find ways to help others from ever feeling the way I feel a lot of the time.

Now one of my main problems in life is my sever anxiety, having someone attack me so… viciously like that, to go onto another account to verbally abuse me on my own page, to then use that account to also message me abusive messages at the same time, while also trying to do the same on MY blog.

You’ve put me in the position where I am never going to offer my help to you again and if you do contact me again in anyway then I will be getting the police involved, as that is very scary and unacceptable behaviour.

I accept your apologises and I truly hope you get the help you need and get better one day. But you have not gone about it right way and for that, there will be no further help or contact from me.

I know a lot of people what to see screen shots of his messages as I understand that something like that on twitter can be rather “exciting” for some, making you want to know more about the situation but I feel this post covers everything I wanted covered without releasing any of his personal information (nothing he wasn’t sharing last night- and other nights- so publicly on my page or his).

I really respect privacy and no matter the wrong he did with his words that does not warrant me to release the messages he sent to me in confidence. So I will not be sharing any screen shots of his messages/comments nor will I be talking more on this matter.

I understand that when becoming a mental health blogger/advocate that I would be open to such situations however I didn’t expect it so quickly and its not something we as people – as human beings with thoughts and feelings too – have to put up with. I want this to be where it belongs now, in the past and hopefully situations like this come very few and far.

With all that being said I hope that this doesn’t steer people away from seeking help online and I hope this doesn’t seer people from trying to help people online. It’s not a pleasant thing when something like this happens but as with all things you have to take the good with bad and push on through it.

So please if you are feeling as though you can’t or have no one to talk to then please don’t be afraid to reach out to a mental health blogger/advocate as we are happy to help in anyway we can!

And if you would like to seek helps, advice or just a listen ear then please feel free to contact me at:

Twitter – @Tinkableeblog

Instagram – @Littletinkablee

Facebook – LittleTinkablee

Email – littletinkable@gmail.com

I want to thank everyone who too the time to contact me and message me and those who left those lovely and kind comments for me. You’ll never know how much appreciate your support and it really is people like you that help keep me going. So, from my very soul and the bottom of my heart, thank you so much.

Animals have mental health too

Before we get into this post I just wanted to state that this post was meant for yesterday however none of my work saved that day and I was forced to re-write the whole thing. I was very emotional while re-writing this and it may come across in my post but I don’t want my overemotional self to distract for todays goals, which is raising awareness for our pets mental health. They suffer just as much as we do, if not more so.

So today is still part of Mental Health Awareness Week and opening up more a little on just a small portion of what I have gone through, just a little of the invisible battle I fight on a day to day basis has me feeling a little relieved, proud, hopeful (that’s it’s helped someone), nervous and beyond anxious. I couldn’t tell you how many times I almost convinced myself not to post one of my posts but pushed through my anxiety and fears that is forever raising its ugly head and clicked that ‘publish’ button.

But more than anything it has left me emotionally and mentally fried and on edge. As relieving as it is to finally have some of my demons off my chest and out into the open its still an incredibly difficult thing to open up about so publicly and I still have to stop myself from re-reading through my posts, knowing that I would find some reason for me to delete them. So I do apologise if any of my posts have any grammar/spelling mistake or words missing but I do fear that if I let myself read over them so thoroughly then I’m going to convince myself to delete it. Defeating the whole purpose of writing it in the first place and starting this blog.

So I want to take the attention from my mental health today and direct it onto our pets. Now when we look at animals and think about animals we don’t really take into account that our animals, our pets could be suffering from mental health illnesses. We know that like us, they can have physical illnesses/disabilities, so why do we never think that they can have mental illnesses and disabilities too?

Read my blog post: How, Tilly became Kitt-Katt

Whether you have been following my blog for a long time or not a lot of you will know that I have a cat called Kitt-Katt (yes like the chocolate). Whom I have had for a little over six years now, Kitt-Katt has become my little heart and soul, I don’t know what I’d do without him in my life.

I believe when we pick a pet for ourselves we pick them because we see something in them that we see in ourselves, something broken or lost, or a means to feel needed in life by having another life depend on you. What ever the reason that pet has little piece of our personality in them, it draws us to them in ways we can’t explain.

When I would look at Kitt, It instantly dawned on me that he was cat version of me. I was/am a creature that like him is full of so much anxiety that I’m almost bouncing out of my skin from it, trying to blend into the background and shadows of the world in the hopes to avoid human contact and interaction as much as I can. What I saw in him broke my heart, I couldn’t find it in myself to feel sorry for me, but for him? It wasn’t something I wanted, it was then I’d decided that we’d both find away to beat our mental problems together.

When I first got him he was so very timid, frightful of everything and at times, a little vicious when his fear over took him and he lashed out at someone (usually I’d find my self on the receiving end of his fear/anger because I didn’t want him harming anyone else). He was also worrying skinny to the point you could see bones sticking out of him, it appeared he was so frightful in his last owners home that he couldn’t even bring himself to eat so he never, he let himself starve.

As much as I wanted too I couldn’t really blame his previous owner fully for his condition. She was just uneducated before getting her cat and clearly thought that little care went into looking after one which is probably why she thought it would be a good idea to have one while she had a newly running around and rowdy toddler. I’m angry that she never took having a kitten so seriously, that she never did any research or that she thought her child wouldn’t be so hands on with an animal. It was clear that there was no teaching going on when it came to handling and caring for an animal, and that is what makes me so angry.

If you are going to get an animal for your child, the least you can do is teach your child how to be delicate with the animal, how to play and properly behave around an animal (as apposed to having your child throw a 4 month old kitten into a washing machine and probably just telling your child off for the one action, instead of taking time to sit down and educate them a little so the next time they came a cross an animal they’d be more confident and gentle around it). But this isn’t what this post is about.

For a week he wouldn’t move out of a corner in a room under the dining table out of fear. I could see it in his eyes and it broke my heart. You could see he was suffering and I just couldn’t take it.

When I had finally managed to get him exploring the house a little more, he would instantly run back into that corner of his at the slightest of sounds. After 6 long, hard months of trail and error I had finally got Kitt to the point where he was sleeping in my bed with me, sitting on the couch, sitting next to me while I read a book. I had him playing with toys and gaining a lot more weight.

My boyfriend giving my Kitt-Katt attention and me, taking this opportunity to take a selfie of Kitt-Katt while he has a look of pure love and bliss on his face from the attention he’s being given. (He was also purring really loudly here -hence why I look like I’m about to laugh…I was, he only purrs that loud for my boyfriend!)

Kitt (like myself) instantly took to my boyfreind and was already at ease with him, it forever melts my heart seeing them together and the bond that was instantly in place. Even I had to work for my bond with Kitt and he’s my cat!

It was more than pretty clear that Kitt suffers with extreme anxiety and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and a helping hand as well patience and gentle love and care. It’s taken five years to see a big difference in that time he has had kittens and (before he has his kittens there was no need in getting him done, he wasn’t aggressive with other cats, very submissive and didn’t seem to know why he owned a peinse -for the longest time we all believed I had a gay cat running arounf the house which was prefect for me, it meant I wouldn’t have worry about getting him done and dealing with any babies he makes -so there was never a need to have him done until he met my sister’s cat Misty-Moo.) been done, he has gone missing for two days and come back, he has had a few blow outs and a few set backs but now, now he’s like a totally different cat.

When my Kitt met Misty-Moo he was instantly smitten with her, and it seem her with him. They instantly started playing together. This would be the first time my Kitt played with another cat, he was usually scared of other cats -female and males alike- and only played with humans. You would finding them sleeping side by side together, taking little naps and my Kitt even caught a mouse for her! (Don’t get me wrong I hate when my cats bring dead things into the garden, but the gesture in itself and coming from my Kitt was beyond sweet and something I didn’t even think he would ever do. It really seems as though my Kitt has fallen in love with Misty-moo)

Today Kitt’s anxiety is much less sever than it was 5 years ago, and although he still has his bad days/weeks, he seems to be a lot more happier. It wasn’t easy in getting him to this place, and there had been more than a few occasions where I almost took him to the vets asking for some kind of anxiety medication for him but I wasn’t ready to give up just yet, I still wasn’t convinced that his mental health was so sever that he needed the medication, I still believed he just needed to be shown the proper love, care and patience.

I have another pet with a mental health issue which I will post tomorrow as the last day of Mental Health Awareness Week (though I am going to continue posting a lot more mental health awareness related posts for Mental Health Awareness Month)

I hope that this post can make you look and view your pets in a different light, and if your pet seem extra timid or angry/vicious it could be for a really good reason. They could be mentally or even physically suffering! Take them to the vet, see if their behaviour is caused by a bone or skin or something other unseen problem. If not, stop and think maybe your pet is suffering mentally then, and if so, you then need to determine whether it’s so bad that your love, care, patience, time and energy won’t be able to help them then please take them to the vet and get them the medication they need. I don’t like the thought of any animals on medication, but like with us humans sometimes we need that extra bit of help that no one, not even ourselves can give us.

Last week I had made the decision for myself to go back onto anti-depressants, I have them sat in my cupboard untouched because I’m still not entirely sure about it, however the past couples of months have made me think more and more, and I have been thinking that I may need that little extra bit of help until I can fully help myself right now. And I’m not sure if I’ll even end up taking them this year but I want others to know that it’s OKAY if the help of others and yourself isn’t getting you anywhere, if their help isn’t helping, it doesn’t make you weak or a bad person for needing medication. Everyone has their ways of help, sometimes our problems are more extreme than others which mean sometimes that extra bit of help is needed.

And it doesn’t make you a bad pet owner if you can’t help your pet. Like us sometimes the need more help than we can provide and that’s OKAY. That’s helping them and giving them the relief and peace they never even knew existed. Helping your pet doesn’t make you a bad pet owner.

And to pet owners thinking about giving up their pet due to behaviour, please just take a second to stop and think… What if there more to it that meets the eye, what you can still get to keep your pet and help your pet feel the peace and love it needs.

Please don’t give up on your pets, they wouldn’t give up on you!

Depression and suicidal thoughts

Today’s post is a little more sensitive than most of my post to do with mental health. I’ve shared a little on battle with server anxiety with my two post called: ‘Stop writing anxiety off as something minor‘ and ‘Coping with anxiety outside’ – a post where others who are fighting their own anxiety battle shared their tips and tricks on coping with their anxiety outside. And I even shared a post talking a little about my struggles with my eating disorder.

But today we won’t be talking about anxiety or about eating disorders. Today I wanted to approach the topic of Depression and Suicidal thoughts. This is something that I’ve kept to myself a lot, a subject even I’m unwilling to open up about around my family (who have been my biggest supporters) and at times a subject I won’t even acknowledge to myself.

What is Depression?


Depression is a on overly strong feeling of hopelessness, incredibly low moods and self-worth,disturbed sleep/ appetite, and a loss of interest for all things you once loved. It is one of the most common mental health problem that us as humans face on a regular basis and yet it is still one of the most undermined mental health problem out there.

Depression is a mental health illness that affects a lot of children, young adults and people in their early 30s – early 50s.

  • 20% of adolescents may experience a mental health (more commonly depression or anxiety) problem in any given year.
  • 50% of mental health problems are established by age 14 and 75% by age 24. (That’s a lot of young people!)

Depression has many different symptoms that vary among different people, but generally encompass a feeling of unbearable sadness and hopelessness. The symptoms that can be brought on by depression can go from mild to moderate to severe and in which case if you are experiencing such overwhelming feelings and thoughts everyday (or almost every day) for more than two weeks, you should seek help from your GP.

Here are some (but not nearly all) symptoms of Depression:

  • Tiredness and loss of energy
  • Overwhelming sadness that doesn’t go away
  • Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem
  • Incredible difficulty in concentrating
  • Not being able to enjoy the things you once found interesting or pleasurable
  • Feeling anxious all the time
  • Avoiding other people, even your close friends
  • A suffocating feeling of helplessness and hopelessness
  • Sleeping problems – You sleep to much, can’t sleep at all, or waking up much earlier than is usual for you.
  • Strong feelings of guilt and/or worthlessness
  • Finding it hard to function at work/collage/school
  • Change in your behaviour
  • A loss of appetite
  • A loss in sex drive and/or sexual problems
  • Physical aches and pains (the mind can truly be a powerful thing)
  • Thinking about suicide and death
  • Self-harming

What are suicidal thoughts?


Suicidal thoughts is an abstract way of thinking about ending your life or believing that you and everyone around you would be better off without in the world with them.

In 2013 (6 years ago) there were 6,233 suicide recorded in the Uk for people 15 and older. Of these, 78% were male and 22% were female.


https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/

Suicide and Self-harm are not mental health problems themselves, but they are linked with mental health distress.

There are certain factors that can make individuals more vulnerable to risk of suicide, such as:

  • Drug and Alcohol misuse
  • History of trauma and/or abuse
  • Unemployment
  • Social isolation
  • Poverty
  • Poor social conditions
  • Imprisonment
  • Violence
  • Family break down

Suicide is widely often avoided by many people around the world. With such a terrible stigma surrounding it and not enough people understanding it, a lot of people keep these thoughts to themselves out of shame or fear of getting an angry response.

In England, more than 4,00 suicides (among people aged 15 and over) were registered in 2013. Of this figure, two thirds were male and one third were female.

Suicide is the largest cause of death for men aged 20-49 years in England and Wales. In 2012, more than three quarters of deaths by suicide were by men.

As the previous figures indicate, the rates of suicide have been lower for women than for men, and this has remained consistent over time. Between 2981 and 2007, suicide rates in the UK fell significantly for both sexes. However, since 2007, the suicide rate for women stayed constant while the rate for men has increased significantly.

(Keep in mind these are statistics from over 6 years ago and since 2014-2015 the rise in suicide has jumped just as significantly as it has lowered. Suicide can be just as unpredictable as the people suffering.


https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/ < (Click to found out more on suicide and mental health)

One of the most discriminatory stereotypes that persists is the incorrect association between mental health problems and violent behaviour. I fear the media may play a big role in portraying that people with mental health problems are violent.

A 2011 study on discrimination in England reported that 14% of national newspaper articles addressing mental health issues referred to those with mental health problems as being a danger to others. (utterly ridiculous if you ask me).

  • Studies have shown that the estimated risk of violence by people with mental health problems ranges from 3% to 5%
  • People with mental health problems are more likely to be victims of violence compared to those without mental health problems.

In a 2013 British survey among persons with severe mental health problems, it was found that;

– 45% had been victims of crime in the previous year
– 1 in 5 had experienced a violent assault
– people with mental health problems were 3 times more likely to be a victim of assault and any crime than those without
– women with severe mental health problems were 10 times more likely to experience assault than those without
– people with mental health problems were more likely to report that the police had been unfair to them compared to the general population.

My (shortened) story with Depression and Suicidal thoughts

My story with depression starts at a really young age (though not as young as kids today experience depression). I was a really naive child, I believed in all the good things in the world, I never really paid any attention to the bad. Everything was just a new and exciting adventure for me.

I lost that feeling of life being once big fun adventure when I was 6 maybe 7 years old. It was a tough time for me and my family, things had started to become unhinged and more uncertain for me. My little sister was going through the same thing and so I had to throw on my big sister shoes and comfort her. The stress and the new feeling of responsibility I had then I had for my sister started to weigh in on me. But I didn’t realise it for what it was at the time.

And when you are so young and when you were as naive as I was it was just so easy to push away the bad things and pretended they never existed. We moved house a lot more around that time, which meant that me and my sister moved schools a lot. Being so close in age and looking like twins at the time me and my sister was as close as actual identical twins, we were always treated us such until we both hit certain ages. For a long time it was me and my little sister against the big bad, scary world.

Moving house became a new adventure to us, learning a new area and being in a new school, it was just all part of the fun. Part of our adventure.

But then it wasn’t long before they stopped becoming adventures and started becoming more like…Missions. Missions I didn’t want to be a apart of anymore. The moving around, making new friends, fighting off new bullies, defending my sister from new people, learning a new area and leaving all behind all over again. It started to drag on my soul a little.

Then I became a teenager and a whole set of new problems and hormones and other person problems started flying my way. And there were so many times I just want all the noise, all the images of different faces and places to stop. So many times I’ve sat there and I’ve thought of all the ways I could make it stop. But couldn’t because I has to look after my mum and my little sister, and then my other little sisters and little brother.

Taking on that role gave me a new meaning to life, I had a mission, a mission I’d never stop at doing. Protecting and looking out for the ones I love. It’s helped pull me out of some really dark times, they have helped pull me out of some really dark times and I love them all the more for it.

But sometimes even the love off of those you love can’t keep the demons at bay. Sometimes the demons are just too strong and take on different forms. There have been a few small and very minor incidents where my depression has taken a hold over my heart, body and soul so much that I’ve self-harmed and I’ve had those thoughts about picking up those pills and making sure I took enough to never come back. I’ve thought about ways that be fast and sufficient knowing how much of a coward I am I wouldn’t be able to take the pain and disappointment of finding out I failed at taking my own life. At the disappointment and even more of a burden I’m then going to be on the people I love.

There are a lot of people out there who don’t understand how a person can get to the point of taking ones life and may think they are even selfish or cowards, but until you are in their shoes, have felt the emotions coursing through their body, the thoughts firing through their heads or have nothing of your own to live for… You don’t get the right to label them that.

Depression is a common mental health problem that affects everyone differently at different levels. You are never going to fully understand what a person is going through, but there are a lot of people who can understand some of what you are going through and sometimes that’ll all we need, is confirmation that we aren’t alone in this, that these thoughts are normal and they can eventually be fought off.

I truly I hope that this post can inspire you to reach out for help or talk a little more openly about your depression or suicidal thoughts. From someone who has had more than her fair share of them you aren’t alone in this. And I implore anyone who needs a listening ear to reach out to me (My email: littletinkable@gmail.com) and I will help in any way I can. If you need someone to understand, some advice or just a non judgemental open ear (I know trust doesn’t come easy) but you can trust that that is what you’ll receive from our conversations. I am not a qualified therapist (though I hope once I beat my anxiety & other issues I can get back to my psychology studies and go back to working towards becoming a therapist) I’m happy and always willing to offer what help/advice I can.

If you don’t feel comfortable emailing me then feel free to reach out to me through my other media plat forms:

Twitter – @Tinkableeblog

Facebook – LittleTinkablee

Instagram – LittleTinkablee

My Body Image Ongoing Journey

This year for Mental health Awareness Month I’m going to be talking a lot more openly about my own mental health, sharing in more depth and detail the battle that goes on behind the closed door.

For Mental Health Awareness Week I’m going to be joining in with Mental Health Foundation cause in spreading more awareness for mental health and this years Mental Health Awareness Week topic is: Body Image.

I thought I would use this to take the opportunity to explain very briefly what body image is before sharing my ongoing journey with my body image.

What is Body image?


So a brief explaining of what body image is: A way an individual views their own body, whether that be they have a positive or negative view on their body. It’s down to how you see YOUR body. It isn’t just what we see in the mirror, thanks to social media it’s so much more than that. It’s about what we think and about what we feel when looking at our own bodies, I’m very accustomed in knowing that the worst critic can be ourselves.

My Body Image – Ongoing Journey


So let just get into it. I was very aware of my body at a rather young age, suffering with really bad skin problems I was the girl that was always cover head to toe so no one could see how bad my skin was. I think I must have been 8 at the time when I truly felt self conscious about having incredibly bad eczema.

It became so bad that I’d risk getting heatstroke, covering myself up as much as possibly (and typically I’d only wear black as it was simple and made me blend in) whenever I left the house.

Then high school start, along with puberty and girly problems. I never wish puberty upon anyone and really, really feel sorry for those coming and soon to be coming to puberty. It really wasn’t an easy ride for me. As I believe it wasn’t for most people.

I quickly looked to using my hair as my shield against my new anxiety and bad body image as soon as my mum allowed me to dye my hair at the age of 14. I was so, so happy that she had finally allowed me to dye my hair, ever since I was little I’d see my mum dying her hair a pretty purple or deep red (usually purple as that’s her Favourite colour) and I really wanted to dye my hair purple like hers.

I walked into school the following week with the most confidence I had ever had up until that point. I was so happy and even more so when I got compliments from my friends, teachers, other students…and my high school crush at the time (this was like 3 year before I met my second major but first major and forever crush).

Of course like every good thing, the good feelings never lasted. My small hold of confidence was quickly sniffed out by my own insecurities and self doubt in my own skin.

Colouring my hair a different colour helped distract me for a while from my body, I become infatuated with dying my hair crazy colours. My hair became my security blanket .

I hated everything about my body, the way it looked, the way I moved in it and the way I felt in my own skin,. I still have these feelings often to this day. I have always had a small framed body, I suppose back then I had a body that had the potential of looking like a athletes body, I was very active, you’d either see me riding my bike or climbing a tree with my friends.

I’d never bring in my P.E (Physical education) nor would I ever bring in my swimming kit when we had swimming. I wasn’t comfortable showing so much of my body off to people. I’ve also found it so wrong that school makes us change around each other or try forcing us to swim. I understand the workout side of thing, I don’t understand why they choose things or ways that makes us the most uncomfortable.

I’d do everything and anything I possible could that would avoid me showing skin or clothing that showed off my body. For years I walked around in dark bagging clothing in the hopes to blend in and not draw notice or attention to myself. Partly because of my anxiety and partly because of my issue with my own body image.

When I got with my boyfriend, my body image changed in my eyes. He’s made me feel as though I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. He’s loved every inch of me, every imperfection that I own and he made me feel as though they weren’t there or as though my imperfection weren’t imperfections. He taught me to love my body for what it was, flaws and all.

With him I feel free and comfortable to wear what I what, when I’m around him I can wear skirts, dresses, short sleeved tops and crop tops. But every other time if its just me, I’ll throw on baggy clothes, tights or leggings and go back to trying to blend in with the background of the world.

Without him, I wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress never mind a dress as pretty as this one was! (These photo were taken at his sister’s wedding two years ago in June).

Of course that doesn’t mean I still don’t have a bad body image. Due to my eating disorder my body changes all the time, I’m always up and down (more often down) about my body. Last year and the year before that I lived in nothing but shorts, tights, leggings and my boyfriends hoodies as none of my clothes fit me any more. I’d lost too much weight.

To this day I’m still shopping in the children section – early teen section for clothes as my body is still so small and unhealthy from years of unintentional abuse. To this day I hate the way my body looks, but I do get moments where I’m happy with it. The moments are few and far but when I do get them I grab hold of it for as long as I can, never knowing when I’ll feel good about the way I looked again.

In this photo I feel like is shows just how sick I was here. How small my body frame had become, how small and thin my arms were. I had no muscle to me, I couldn’t even lift myself up onto the counter top like I used to when I was a kid to get to the top shelves of the cupboards in the kitchen.

This year I have taken steps to changing my unhealthy ways and in changing the way I view my body. I’ve started a new diet that has been helping me gain weight for the first time since I was a teenager, I started yoga last year (You can CLICK HERE to be directed to my yoga post) to build muscle I never had due to being so sick in my body. And little, light workouts to build more. I’m starting to go on more of my adventures again and still looking at new ways I can help myself.

It isn’t easy and with social media and all these filters and ways to modify how you look using apps it can have a big helping hand in bringing me down about my body image. And with my body changing all the time, its so hard to like never mind love my body image. I hope one day I can see myself the way my boyfriend sees me.

This, like most personal/mental health related posts wasn’t easy for me to write and it’s even harder for me to post but one of my reasons for starting this blog was to open up more about what I’m going through, to jot things down and share them, to help others going through something similar and little bit to know I’m not the only one with these thoughts and feelings.

So I hope this has given you a little insight on how I view myself which isn’t in a very good light, however my mission to stay positive and push through until I achieve my body goal is ever growing and with the support of all my friends, family and fellow bloggers I’m hoping to share in more depth how body image affects me and those around me.

I also hope that this has shown you, that you aren’t the only one who has bad thoughts of themselves, who hate the way their look. I’ve lost count of the amount of people what have told me I am too skinny, or that I shouldn’t be depressed, self conscious or sad because I’m skinny. I can tell you right now that skinny is NOT everything. It can get very life threatening and I’ll be sharing a post on that later tonight.

I want this post to help other’s open up more about their own body image but also want this post to help you understand that body image is just that, its an image that you can change at will. It’s hard, and it’s not always something that can be achieve but a day of bad body image doesn’t mean that you HAVE a bad body image. It just means that that day was a bad day, tomorrow may be better.

I’d love to hear/read about your body image journey and I really hope this post have inspired you to share your own body image journey, as I stated above that my next post today will be about my weight and the way others see me, rather than how I see myself.

We are all beautiful, no matter the size, the colour, the markings on our skin. It’s all beautiful and it all makes us who we are. It all makes us different and uniquely us.

Coping with Anxiety Outside

Anxiety is something that has taken over and ruled my life from a very young age, I’ve tried many methods to rid myself of it or lesson the effects and hold that it has on me. There was a time I wasn’t able to leave my house, frozen by anxiety with even the thought of going near a door that lead to the outside world, loosing friends, feeding my depression and making my health both mental and physically terrible.

I’m so happy to say that’s no longer my life. I still suffer from sever anxiety and depression but I am now able to leave the house from time to time for shopping, going out somewhere with my boyfriend and friends, I’m now able to do what I used to love doing most when I was a child (beside climbing and writing), taking walks through nature and exploring old area’s. I know have some control back over my life.

Some techniques have worked where other have failed, none of them have be able to rid me of this however a few techniques have helped me through the worst of my anxiety.

I thought I’d ask the wonderful people on twitter what tricks/ techniques they use to help deal or cope with their anxiety while outside and here were they responses:

Exposure therapy. Smelling lavender oil. I have pills if it gets really bad but my goal is to never have to take them again. – @girl_importance

Oftentimes I’m anxious about failure and disappointment. I tell myself it’s okay if I fail, or if I mess up. Life is too short to be distracted from happiness by success/failure. I have to keep reminding myself to be present with myself, or else I’m quick to forget. – @AGPetersen2

Diaphragmatic breathing. –@MorbidParamour

I use Rescue Remedy. I wrote a post about it. – @Imdatgirlx (CLICK HERE to be directed to her post on Rescue Remedy)

I now feel better, but I suffered PTSD and… the only way I found was to write…It did help. – @KaceyKells

When I start overthinking everything on the earth in my life I take a nap. Not the best advice for serious anxiety but it’s like a little reset button. – @AllieVegas

Make sure I always have some backup little things to ground me. Peppermint, soft-mints, eg, which helps calm guts going into hyper-drive when I’m getting anxious. And I feel an attack coming on, have some safe place songs on my phone & quick free flow writing on my phone notepad. So a lot of stupid little things like that really. So if you have anything you make a routine out of when recovering from an anxiety attack, make a portable equivalent. Also recinnebd Fearne Cotton’s Calm book. There’s techniques in there that have been life changing for me! @Chromosoner

I always found that asking myself this question help to disrupt the anxious thoughts and get you back to being present when you can enjoy the day you’re having. ‘What, at this moment, is lack?’ Think about it deeply and look around at what you’re doing. Bonus tip; Write ‘NOW’ in biro on your finger or hand. Then every time you see it throughout the day, you’ll be reminded to ask the question. –
@_mikearnold

I have started using breathing to help control my anxiety. 4 Seconds in, 7 seconds hold and 8 seconds out. I repeat that until I begin to feel better. It works sometimes, other times it’s a struggle. – @Nyxiesnook

Deep breathing to keep calm – @PagePlacePlate

Trace The image of a square in your head. Breath in for 4 second as you are imagining drawing the top line of the square, hold your breath for 4 seconds as you trace the vertical line down, release breath for 4 as you trace the bottom horizontal line, then hold for 4 seconds. – @Katyroseblogs

I find relaxation helps but mainly practised indoors and regularly to start with. Mindfulness also helps, in my experience. – @Steheadspace

Yoga, Music, Aromatherapy, muscle relaxation. – @Just_Jess_18

My way of coping with my anxiety disorder was to stop fighting my intrusive thoughts and just allow them to run their course. They lost a lot of power over me once I started doing that. – @UnwantedLife_Me

Breaking everything up into time chunks helps me a bunch. – @Valkyriesblog

I would count as many things that I could see that were a specific colour, so how many things can I see, something blue etc. – @RebeccaJGibson

Deep breathing. Affirmations. Visual boards (on my phone/online) – @adwaita_one

Stopping and looking into the distance for something like a tree and then gazing at it with soft eyes and notice what you can see to left and right of the tree without moving your eyes to focus on them. It’s a great technique and distracts you. – @Vampybear

Click their user names to be directed straight to their twitter accounts!

(Click here to be directed to the YouTube video) I really like this GIF to help. – @PagePlacePlate

For me I haven’t been able to find anything that really works for me. I still struggle to leave the house, I’m always with a friend, family member or I usually have my boyfriend by my side talking me through any anxiety attacks that I may get when being outside. He has helped in teaching me to control my breathing at times for the short period of times I am outside on my own for whatever reason so I don’t go into a panic attack.

I also use the Alphabet to control my anxiety during those rare moments I am out alone, repeatedly going through the alphabet in my head until I reach my destination. And I count my step when walking or try thinking about the book I’m currently reading, I try and do anything I can think of that can help take my mind off being outside.

I hope that these tips from other’s who suffer anxiety can maybe help you from time to time. Remember that everyone anxiety levels are different, sometimes it worse for others where it isn’t for some. And not every tip or trick is going to help you, everyone is different and what works for some people may not work for others. That doesn’t mean you are worse off, or can’t be helped. It just means you need to keep trying out different technique that can help you.

If there is anything you’d like to add or have something that wasn’t mention on here please leave it in the comments below, I’d love to hear what helps you! I will also be doing a follow up post on this, adding in any new comments/techniques that you leave in the comment section.

And please don’t forget to subscribe to my email list, follow, like, comment and share! Or you can follow me over on Twitter @tinkableeblog

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Adventure’s with Dan

So today I’m posting a completely different post from what I was going to do yesterday as my mental health as been decreasing and spiralling into a whole new direction making me feel wrong, off balance and just really not at all my self right now.

Yesterday it really hit me hard and unexpectedly. Feeling as though something was crushing down on me and like I wasn’t good enough for anything or anyone,
Uncontrollable crying and anger at feeling so down for no reason, it just makes me feel as though I’m not in control of my self and there is no scarier feeling than feeling as though you have no control over yourself what so ever, feeling as though your emotions calls the shots and in turn calling the shots on my thoughts. It’s scary, it’s sad, exhausting and it’s something that plagues me daily.

I really didn’t think yesterday was going to be in anyway good, as soon as I’d woken up I’d pretty much already had it in my head that today was going to be a bad day and nothing stops a bad day from happening… or so I thought.

Seeing me so upset, my boyfriend decided to make it his mission to make me feel better and to put a smile on my face. He suggested we go for one of our little adventures (We haven’t been on one for a while), enjoy the warm day we had ahead of us and to take some new pictures which is something he knows I love to do and can get lost in to doing for hours. Taking pictures has always been therapeutic for me, being away from people has always been my main goal in life, I’m not a people person, more of an animal/nature kinda girl and my boyfriend knew this and knew exactly where to take me to distract me from…. well myself.

We jumped over a little lake, walked through a massive field and entered some wooded area’s where we came across so many beautiful flowers (mainly blue bells) and other’s pretty plants. We also got attack by a LOT of fly while walking around which I can’t really say I enjoyed however the fun of trying to escape them and find a clear area from those flies was rather fun.

We climbed over fallen down tree’s, broken walls, massive pipes and avoided as many nettles and stingy plants that we could. Considering how many nettles and stingy plants there were I was surprised and impressed that we’d only got stung once each. When I was a child and I used to explore like that I was forever getting stung by nettles and it became a habit to carry about dock leaves where ever I went. I’d be that strange child making her way to the woods picking up the really massive dock leaves as I went by because I knew at some point I’d get stung by a nettle.

My Dan holding up the big dock leaf

Yesterday was the first time my boyfriend had come across a dock leaf so big which I thought was crazy because a girl that got stung daily when she was younger I’ve come across some really BIG dock leaves but the pure simple joy on his face instantly melted my heart and I needed to get a picture of him and this big dock leaf, and that’s exactly what I did. I took another picture this time of the love of my life standing in nature with pure joy on his face. It’s moments likes these I want to capture forever, and never forget.

We also came a cross a really old vodka bottle, a really old packet of Space Raiders crisp from 2009 and what looked to be an old street that nature had claimed back. There was an old gate with an old auction sign on there and behind the gate where the house would have once been was nothing, no sign of a house once being there other than the gate and the auction sign. There was also a set of really old bollards that still had the Liver Bird print on them. It really did look to be an old street that had been abandoned, forgotten and nature was able to reclaim it back.

After we explored the area a little longer we left to go back home, walking passed the same massive filed and jumping over the same lake we entered the smaller filed again only this time we spotted a really big butterfly. I’ve never been one into butterfly I’ve always personally found them to be ugly and creepy and felt people just got to distracted by their colourful/patterned wings and couldn’t see it for the buggy looking creature it was. HOWEVER! This butterfly will be the only one I will ever say I found to be beautiful and not just the wings but everything about it was beautiful, although it was the beautiful wings that drew me in…

It was big, like really big. With two massive light brown wings with two red looking eyes on top and two purple looking big eyes at the bottoms, this butterfly instantly captured our attention.

The best it I could get at the time!

I tried my hardest to get a really good picture of it but it wouldn’t let me close enough to do and so after a few failed attempts it flew away leaving me in awe and disappointment that I couldn’t get the picture I wanted. We had some food and a half hour break before we walked across a different field and into a smaller wooded area that was just in front of an old butterfly reserve. My boyfriend could see how disappointed I was at not being able to take the picture I wanted and thought maybe we’d spot a few over there that I could take pictures of.

But there wasn’t a single one, there flies and horses and so many bugs crawling about but no butterflies. We then decided to go meet up with a friend and his dog since for this adventure we had decided to take Toby with us and made our way back out. On our way back my boyfriend spotted what appeared to be the same big butterfly and after following it and trying to take a few picture I realised quickly it was EXACTLY the same one. What were the chances!

This time I was more than determined to take a picture of this butterfly who too seemed fascinated with us as every time we got too close it would fly away only to fly right back by us again. Almost as if it didn’t want to move away from us but was scared of what we wanted to do but eventually it seemed as though the butterfly no longer thought our intentions were to harm it because it randomly fly up into the air and then landed on a perfectly clear patch of ground surround by the fields grass.. Ever so slowly I started to take pictures as I walked as slowly and softly as I could to the butterfly. I eventually almost ended up laying on my stomach trying to get a close up of this butterfly without it flying away from me but I apparently didn’t need to fear that because It didn’t move once! When my camera got too close to it, it did hide it’s wings from me a few times but when I’d move back a little the butterfly would open its wings back up to me.

That butterfly was the highlight of my day but being around my boyfriend is what’s truly made it special and so enjoyable. Without him I probably would have had one of the worst days this month and I there isn’t enough words or emotions in the world to describe how thankful I am for him and the things he does for me. For the way he handles me at my worst and manages to make things seem better.

I’ve said it from the start and I’ll say it till the end. I love my boyfriend, more than he probably knows and I never want him to change who he is because it’s who he is that I fell in love with, it’s who he is that my soul is drawn to.

If anyone else is going through a tough time this month/year please feel free to dm, message or email me. I’m always a listening ear for those who needs one, I’m not a judge and so you won’t receive any judgement from me only encouraging words, (hopefully) helpful advice and probably a lot of great quotes.

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Books saved my life

“She reads books as one would breath air, to fill up and life.”

Today I thought I would share with everyone the real truth behind my love for reading. Now I know I have told the story a few times to people on how I became so obsessed with reading after all I used to write and read my own stories when I was child, however, I hardly ever picked up a book written by another person.

But on a particularity boring day, the sun was shining, the warm weather had kicked in and so too had the start of my extreme anxiety and the start of depression. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house that day, my step dad had decided that football would be an amazing thing to watch that day and so I ventured upstairs into my mum room (I used to nap my mums room because I always felt safer there) but I wasn’t able to go to sleep. I wasn’t able to shut out the world around me and so picked up the first book my hand touched. Which just so happened to be ‘Twilight’ by Stephenie Meyer.

I had found a new love for books that day, I was unable to place it down and ended up taking it to my room where I continued to read it through out the night with no sleep. Once that was finished I instantly picked up the next and the next and the next.

I was devastated when I finished reading all of the Twilight books. What was I going to read now? That was the first book that had ever sucked me in and made forget the world I was in and to feel as though I was in the world of someone else.

With that thought in mind I ventured back to my mums room to take a look at all the other books my mum had laying around. My mother is one of the biggest book lovers I have ever known, loved reading from an early age as a child her favourite books to read where the Grimm Tales by Jacob Grimm books. I’ve recently bought her an old book by Jacob Grimm for mothers day that I really hope she enjoys.

The next book I picked up was The Vampire Diaries Volume 1; Awakening & The struggle – book 1-2 by L. J. Smith which I had just gotten overly obsessed with. I never wanted to put the book down for even a second of my time! It was after reading these books my love for reading truly came into play and I bought book after book.

At this point in my life I had start high school and was entering probably my 5th month of being there, already started the process of distancing myself away from people, I stopped hanging out with my friends and when I did I never had anything to say or add to our conversations. It was as though I no longer cared for the social game, I didn’t care if the pretty girls like me and thought I was cool, I no longer cared if I had any of the boys attention, I no longer cared for my work or the grades that I had spent all my life working hard to get better at. I just didn’t care anymore. Life with and around humans just didn’t seem like something I could carry on doing any more. I didn’t feel human… I still don’t at times.

I tried, I tried to keep in the conversation with my friends, I tried to engage in petty talk and breaking up arguments between my girlfriends, I tried to show interest in my school crush and I really did try caring about the mark the teachers were handing back to me but everything had started to feel…. not pointless but….Insane.

It honestly seemed insane to me that we were forced to do things we didn’t want to just because we were born into this society, because the people in power have told us this is best and this is what must be done. I noticed more the older I got the less people cared for you and your well being, teachers only start caring about the marks and numbers the school is making, kids stop dreaming about becoming a singers and wrestlers and start thinking about child-care or building… I watched kids go from dreams to piratical thinking and it killed any and every magic I thought was left in the world.

I believed all magic was gone by this point. I was locking myself away, I didn’t want to interact with anyone friend, family or stranger. There were a few moments of self-harm (luckily it was all shallow and not at all something that would leave any scars), there were so many moments that I just slept away because I was so sick of being awake, of being alive and there were countless of nights/days where I thought about suicide, where I thought about all the pros to be going gone, to not being here anymore… but there was always a major con that kept me here.

My family. Who’d help look after them, who would be there for them? Who would drop everything at drop of a hat to go running to try and save the day? My mother and siblings me the absolute world to me, they’re the only people in the world that understand my crazy & weird and love me unconditionally for it anyway. I couldn’t put them through something like that, I could do that and leave them thinking there was something they could have done, I didn’t want them living with the guilt that there was something that could have been done.

But even that thought was barely keeping me on. It wasn’t until I opened up that first book by Stepheine Meyer that magic was restored back into my life, it was as if a switch had been touched and a light had come on. All the fairy-tales that become Grimm’s Tales for me became the magical, soft and vibrant fairy tales they once used to be to me.

Books have restored my love for life, its given me a reason to go on, it’s given me something to escape to when reality gets to hard and scary. The creative imagination and other worldly views created by amazing people is what’s inspired me to become a writer of my own, to become an aspiring author who will one day have her book out on shelves in shops and in photos on Instagram from those who have read/bought my creation.

If you don’t read, if you’re kids don’t read then I beg you give it try! Find them a book they will like or do what my mum taught me to do and teach your kids to write their own little stories they can read. Books saved my life in the same way music saves others. It’s restored my faith in magic and has given me a goal to focusing my energy on.

You can’t buy happiness but you can buy books, and that’s kind of the same thing…

This is one quote i have forever and always loved because it’s true, for me anyway. happiness can’t be bought but I find a little bit of happiness in every book i open, in ever page i turn and in ever new world I enter.