Blogtober is here

It’s the 1st October and the start of Blogtober!

All through out September I have been trying my hardest to prepare myself for this years October Blogtober! This will be the first time I am joining in with others across the world in Blogtober and I have to say that I am a mixture of dread and excitement.

I dread finding/coming up with content for this October. I struggle to get a single post out weekly and now I’m partaking in a challenge that requires not only to get my content out EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. but I have to make sure I am able to create content for 31 days. Which considering I usually only get around 6 – 8 posts out everyone month, on a good month it’s a big jump to getting 31 posts out in just one month.

But I am excited to see what I am able to come up with and create under pressure. So this is the only warning I’m going to be giving…, if you think the way I run my blog is messy now…. October is going to be showing a whole new side to unorganised and messy because as hard as I may try to plan things out, nothing every works out in my favour, plans go wrong and the best thing I can do is to just wing it.

I know a lot of people may consider me a little insane for taking up this challenge, but honestly, I’ve never claimed to be sane and there’s nothing I love more than a challenge. If I fail, I’ll celebrate what I have managed to achieve and make notes of things I can improve and If I succeed in finishing this challenge, I can celebrate a full win.

I’ve had quite a few people ask me what is ‘Blogtober’? Which I won’t lie, it baffled me as I assumed this was a big blogger thing (being new to the blogging work, my blog isn’t even a year old yet!) but there are still quite a few people who are unaware of it. So I thought I’d explain a little in this post what Blogtober is.

What Is Blogtober?

Blogtober is where blogger from around the world undertake the challenge of creating and posting out new content in October for the full 31 days. Yes, that does include weekends.

From doing my research there doesn’t seem to be any rules to this other than to just create, create and create! So get as creative and adventures as you like.

*Little note*
There is a Blogtober Facebook group that you can join if you’d like a bit of interaction with other bloggers throughout the challenge. If you’re going it alone on social media, don’t forget to use the hashtags. Each year has it’s own hashtag, last year’s was, ‘#Blogtober18’ this year’s will be, ‘#Blogtober19’ and next year’s will be ‘#Blogtober20’ and so forth.

Over the next following days I will be attempting to post at least one blog post per day onto my blog, some will be Autumn themed, Halloween themed, Mental Health related, book reviews, product reviews, updates, lifestyle, baking, pets and so much more!

As much as I am dreading the stress (Honestly I’ve been stressed about this since I decided to take on the challenge) I’m so super excited to see how create I can be under a little pressure.

I’d love to know if you plan on joining in with Blogtober and remember if you miss a day or two, don’t beat yourself up over it, keep pushing forward and see just what you can achieve when you don’t allow yourself to give up and give in to the temptation of negative thinking. If you can’t complete the full 31 days, give yourself a pat on the back, be proud of the days you were able to do and make notes on what went wrong so you can work towards higher goals.

With that being said, I hope to hear from those taking part in Blogtober and more than anything I hope everyone enjoys their October, and has a wonderful Halloween ahead of them.

Before I go, I want to leave you with a few words…

There’s always a lesson to be learned when things doesn’t seem it’s brightest and has hard as it can be, sometimes you have to be your light. You have to be your sun on a cloudy day.

Taking that un-guilty break from blogging

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Taking that un-guilty break from blogging

In a busy world that never seems to stop or slow down it can often make us feel as though we are behind in our lives, we are constantly out looking to achieve that goal that will get us that one step closer to where we want to be.

And so often because of this we either forget to take little breaks or we choose not to have them, convincing ourselves that it makes us weak in some way or stressing ourselves by thinking of how far behind we will be if we take that little break.

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selfie with cat mug

But at some point we all have to put down out work\activity\project and pick up a cup of tea with maybe a book or two in order to give our minds a little rest. If you are anything like me then you too find it difficult to justify taking a break, to relax without feeling guilty for it. For the sake of our mental health though, it such an incredibly necessary thing to do.

Last week after experiencing a few very difficult few months where my mental health slipped a little, and after making a tweet and receiving some much needed advice… I made the decision not to give up on my dreams, not to let my mental illness and dark cycles take over again and took a week away from blogging.

Day one, I felt incredibly stupid. Thinking to myself, ‘are you seriously going to take a break in the first year of your blogging days? Are you really that breakable that you can’t handle the responsibility, work and stress that comes with blogging? Are you really that weak?’…

Day one, I found myself in a self-hate thought loop.

Day two, was a little better. I was able to break easily from the self-hate thought loop, however the fact that I was able to break from it made me hopeful that the next day would get better. I still didn’t really want to blog, only wanting to do it because I felt like I HAD to and not because I WANTED to.

Day three, was MUCH easier. The self-hate thought loops came less, I was able to actually enjoy my time away from my laptop and enjoy the present moments.

As the days wore on the less guilty I stated to feel and that was mainly because I realised two things in that week;

  1. I notice a big improvement in my mental health. I’ve even managed to gain the most weight this week than I have probably ever and although I have mixed feelings on my body changing, it’s made me feel more positive and hopeful.
  2. Time way gave me time to refocus, re-plan, re-brand (I’ll be doing a post shortly on what I mean about this) and re-approach how I blog. It’s also helped to give me new ideas for new blog posts!

When taking this break I didn’t pick up a book at first, knowing that if I did I would have picked up one of the ones that it’s my TBR pile and I’d probably end up having written up a review on it and posting onto my blog. And so with that in mind I set myself some rules, some boundaries, because the temptation to do something I told myself I wasn’t allowed to. The temptation of carrying on even though it was stressing me beyond even what I realised was ALMOST too much to resist. Don’t get me wrong I have NO self control what so ever and that usually is my biggest flaw but thankfully I have fallen in love with someone who probably has the most self control I’ve ever witness in one person and he helps keep my temptations kept aside so I am able to focus on the bigger picture.

So what did I do to ensure that I would not dive back into blogging?:

  1. I kept my laptop hidden away inside of two bags and placed in the cupboard (yes I am that bad that I have to resort to such lengths to assure I don’t give into temptation).
  2. I started focusing a little more on my candles, how I really want them to look, how I want them to appear, the labelling and picking out the names of them. A lot of that got swiped aside as I was also focusing on how to make my blog and go through with becoming a blogger.
  3. I focused a little more on planning my WIP (Work in progress) and writing more in my notebooks (yes I did mean I had to buy more notebooks, that part actually made me really happy. I’m always happy to have a reason to buy a new notebook or two).
  4. I took a lot more nature walks with my boyfriend as well as spending a lot more quality time with him (rather than sitting in the same room while I work on my blog and he does his thing).
  5. I started to read for pleasure again. A year or two ago I had stopped reading, finding myself unable to focus on the story line any longer I just stopped reading. I lost my love for reading for a while. That was until I read Olga Gibbs fantastic page turning book Heavenward and Hallow. But even then with my love of reading returned to me I didn’t look for books that I wanted to read and I limited myself to reading ONLY books that I was going to review. If I wasn’t reviewing it, then I wasn’t reading it.
  6. Lastly, I’ve started getting back into all the things I used to love when I was younger. (Reading, Writing, writing music, playing the piano, writing my own poems again and tracking my dreams through a dream journal, and so on).

With everything in mind, I’m VERY much aware of how difficult it can be to make the decision to take that break, to let yourself relax and to accept that you can re-grow from your time away.

But when your mental health is suffering, when you find yourself no longer able to enjoy the things you used to, when getting up in the morning feels like a chore again instead of a blessing to be a wake, to be alive and this opportunity to do something new, something different, something fun or exciting. That’s when you need to be able to step back and think to yourself, ‘I need a break,’ and you need to do so without the guilt.

No one should ever feel guilty for looking after themselves, for being able to say stop when they need to. No one should feel guilty for giving your brain that break, your creativity side that much needed rest to refuel.

No one should feel guilty for taking a needed break.

I want to thank everyone who spoke to me, gave me words of encouragement and advice. I could never repay you for your kind words or for helping in stopping me from making probably one of the worst decisions of my life this year.

I came very close to giving up on my dreams and on my blog but with the support from some incredible people and strangely timed WordPress “achievement” that reminded me a year ago on the 10th August 2018 I made a WordPress account and for 2 months even created a free blog site before quickly deleting it due to self-doubt and insecurities.

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1 year Anniversary of having WordPress

This year wasn’t about giving up, that was last year, this year is meant be about fighting the fear and fighting for what I want. The biggest fight will always be with myself but I refuse to let that side of me win any longer, I’m ready to live the life I want.

Like my yearly quote says;

If you can’t fight fear, fight scared.

And that’s exactly what I pan to do.

I also want to thank you all so much for sticking by my side and for taking the time to read my post. I hope everyone has a wonderful week a head of them, and don’t let those Monday Blue’s get you!

P.S – I have a Harry Potter giveaway running on my Facebook page, Instagram and Twitter, where I will be picking not 1 but TWO winners. So be sure to check that out!

Twitter – @Tinkableeblog

Facebook Page – LittleTinkablee Blog

Instagram – @Littletinkablee

Announcement

This wasn’t what I wanted for today’s post but I’ve been having an incredibly difficult day today and to top the cherry off all my work for today’s post never got saved, leaving me post-less for the day and having to spend the night writing today’s and tomorrows post.

I just want to thank everyone for their on going and continuing support as I learn to open up about my mental health. I’m not really great with my words (ironic coming from someone who has spent her whole life writing them down) but I’m not great at expressing my emotions very well, even less so when trying to use words out loud without writing them down and not being given the time to over analysing them for days first.

But opening up, getting myself out there is something I have made my mission to do this year. Getting over my social anxiety of talking to people online was a big step I’m so happy I’ve manage to knock out of the park this year as before if someone would try to message me I’d block them with a racing heart. It genially gives me anxiety to just talk to someone, even through a message. But I’ve beaten that part of my anxiety this year which is so amazing and I truly am proud of myself for that. I’ve been isolating myself for years, the only one I’ve not managed to scare off is my boyfriend whom I love more than simply word/sentence could explain.

It’s your continued support, messages and comments that helps encourage me to keep going and to keep on my blogging journey. When starting my blog this year in February I couldn’t have prepared myself for the emotional, mental and even physical toll blogging would have on me in just a short amount of time. I went into this with the intentions of investing my all into this blog, my love, pain, sweat, tears, happiness, hope, everything that I have to offer. But I didn’t expect anything to truly happen until at least a year into blogging. I didn’t to gain so much attachment to it so quietly nor did I expect I’d have one person reading my post but now my blog has reached over 200 followers over the short course of time with such incredible viewers.

As stated above I have found dealing with today rather difficult. In all honesty the last two months I have been really struggling to feel the positivity and lightness that I’m trying to spread throughout my blog and social media accounts.

My depression has been trying to grip hold of me in it’s cold, claw like grip to drag me down a hole I no longer want to find myself in. In turn this has kicked my anxiety off into a totally different direction, which is only making my feel worse, and just feeding my depression and messy thoughts.

On top of that I haven’t stuck to my yoga or workouts the why I had planned, and my eating has gone back down, although when my doctor weighed me last week on Thursday I hadn’t lost any weight, I hadn’t gained any either, which is the usual story when it comes to my weight. I either lose it or I stay they same, no change. It get’s so unbearably frustrating sometimes and today I really wanted to give up on everything… I kind of still do but I’m hoping I’ll be able to push through this because I don’t want this blog to be yet another thing in my life that I loved and had taken over/away by my mental health.

I want to continue ‘writing my dream’ of becoming an author. I want to keep this drive to keep writing my novel, this drive to help others and write my posts. I don’t want to lose the one good thing I’ve managed to gain control of.

My mental health has literally taken over my life in every way it possibly could, I’m a slave to my mental health, a puppet whose strings are being controlled solely by my mental health. The only things is hasn’t taken from me is my family, my boyfriend and my pets.

This isn’t forever, I know that. I know some day I’m going to be able to beat all my demons and finally know what inner peace feels likes, one day I’m finally going to love myself and the world I’m in.

But right now I’m taking it one step at a time and today…today was bad step. But it’s okay, it’s okay because it just reminds me, well, I do have good day, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to identify the bad ones like I once wasn’t able to do.

Here’s a picture of me and Toby yesterday. (Photo credits to my boyfriend) Its strange how one really bad day can set you back from months work, but I’ll pick myself up and dust myself off.

I’m hoping to have today’s post re-written by tonight and ready for you all tomorrow, along with tomorrows intended post.

And again, I truly can’t express how much I appreciate all the supportive and heartwarming comments and messages. I was planning on doing a little giveaway this week but I really want to give back and show just how much reading my posts, following me and supporting me really means to be.

Instead I’m going to be planning a big giveaway, where there can be up to at least 3-4 winners. Thank you for reading and I hope you all have a lovely Friday night and even better weekend.