Introducing CBT to my life

Introducing CBT to my life, mental health, mental health blogger, blogger, CBT, blog post, photography
Introducing CBT to my life

Through my search of self-help techniques that I hope can help me through life and help me in overcoming a few of my mental problems I came across ‘The Anxiety Journal’ that very briefly introduced me to CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and was instantly intrigued by it. (You can read my review of ‘The Anxiety journal’ HERE)

Despite my insistence on doing things on my own from now own, even I am aware I can’t do everything alone and there are times where I do/will need the help of others.

So firstly let’s explain briefly what CBT is

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy also known as CBT for short is a talking therapy that can help many people to manage and cope with their mental/physical problems through thought and behaviour. It is commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but has been known to be useful for other mental and physical health problems.

Due to this being a highly sought out remedy to those who suffer from anxiety and depression, I felt like this was something I needed to introduce to my life and give ago. Everything else I have attempted so far has only led to failure or has led to part failure but I’m not ready to give up, so why not try out CBT? It could be the very thing I’ve needed in my life all along.

Now that we know what CBT is, how does CBT work? Or more accurately, how is CBT meant to help you?

So, CBT is based on the concept that YOUR thoughts, YOUR feelings, YOUR physical sensations as well as actions are interconnected, and through that, negative thoughts and feelings can find a way to trap you in a vicious cycle.

CBT is aimed to help people to cope and deal with their overwhelming problems in a more light and positive way by breaking them down into much smaller parts. CBT helps open your eyes to show you how to change these negative patterns/cycles to help improve the way you feel.

Unlike other talking treatments, CBT deals with your current situation/problems, rather than focusing on all the issues of the past and looks for practical ways that can help improve your state of mind on a day to day basis. (I understand the need for opening up and letting the past out but I also understand that being able to move on from the past you have to stop giving into, stop talking about, thinking about and letting it into the present. For some people only opening that door again will they ever be able to close and lock it forever, but for others like me, I’ve already found the lock long ago and know unlocking and reopening doors will cause more damage than good to my mental state and wellbeing).

CBT isn’t just for those who suffer and want to overcome their anxiety and depression. CBT has been shown to be an effective way of treating a whole range of different mental health conditions as well as in addition to depression or anxiety disorders, CBT has and can help people with the following:

  • Bipolar Disorder
  • Borderline personality disorder
  • Eating disorders – such as bulimia and anorexia
  • OCD (Obsessive Compulsive disorder)
  • Panic disorder
  • Phobias
  • PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder)
  • Psychosis
  • Schizophrenia
  • Sleep problems – such as insomnia
  • Problems related to alcohol misuse

CBT has also been used to treat people with long-term health conditions, such as:

  • IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome)
  • CFS (Chronic fatigue syndrome)
  • Fibromyalgia

CBT cannot cure the physical symptoms of these conditions, CBT can help people cope better with their symptoms. Which sometimes it’s all you can hope for, is a little help in coping if you can’t rid yourself of whatever condition you have.

I hope this short explanation of CBT has helped explain what it is and maybe it’s even got you thinking, wondering if this is something that can help you…

As I stated at the top of this post, I have been trying to find as many self-help techniques that I possibly can but even I am aware that help is going to be needed somewhere down the line. you can’t do everything on your own, sometimes a little help is needed if you have any hope or chance of helping yourself.

Accepting help doesn’t make you weak. You’re stronger than most if you are able to seek or accept the help offered to you, most go through life trying to do it on their own in the hopes that no one sees their struggles and to me…that’s weak. It’s easy to hide and pretend, you need some steel hard balls come out of hiding, to accept what’s going on but to not accept that that’s how you are going to live out the rest of your life.

Not hiding your problems and instead choosing to fight them with everything you’ve got…now that’s brave.

I’ll be continuing this conversation on in a different post when I do an update on CBT and how it’s affected/helped me. I’ll be going into more detail about what ABT is, what it does and how exactly it’s meant to help as well as what to expect when attending CBT sessions with your therapist.

Writing for myself Again

*Blogger Note*
I have never posted a post this late before but before going to bed I wanted to clear a few things up and thank the wonderful people that I have met on twitter for all they encouraging words and amazing support.

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Writing for myself again

As bloggers we want to see our blogs grow and thrive. We all have our own reasoning for wanting this but for me, bigger numbers/bigger viewers mean more people that I could possible help through my blog.

But, while trying to figure out ways to make my blog more attractive for other potential viewers and more interesting I’ve been majorly putting my mental health to the test because the truth is? I’m not all that interesting. I’m useless with technology and find that it annoys me more than I enjoy using it. I have a genuine fear of using technology outside, I won’t use card machines, I now won’t handle a bus ticket on the Arriva Buses as you know have to scan your ticket (I used to avoid getting the card for that reason), I won’t use a self serve till… there’s a lot I won’t do due to fear of it. What if I use it wrong? What if doesn’t work for me and everyone is staring at me? I HATE technology,

When I’m not house bound, I’m out early hours in the morning, or late at night on a walk with my boyfriend and Toby or sometimes we’ll go to a close friends house I have a family member out with me so I can do shopping.

The truth is despite how hard I try and fight my anxiety and all the overwhelming feelings that follow…It still wins. I’ve not figured out how to beat it, I’ve figured out how to have a few good days, sure but. But mostly? I’m riddle with anxiety to the point I am still throwing up in the middle of the days, my legs still go weak, my stomach still turns in knots and it makes it easier for depression to come along and sink it teeth into me.

If you follow me on twitter then you may or may not have seen my tweet that I posted out, one that I do apologise for. I usually try to stray away from social media when I start feeling like that as I don’t really want to be posting my negativity all out there, I want my accounts and blog to be a positive experience for everyone as I know how negative and toxic social media can be.

When my mental illnesses take over, my mental health suffers greatly for it, I end up in a vicious thought loop cycle. I feel so experienced in life, so boring and as though me and my blog has nothing to offer anyone that I get myself questioning why I’m even bothering? Am I even helping anyone? How can I even help people? These are only my words, my thoughts, my feelings…. It’s not anything special and it certainly isn’t anything interesting.

I had a little melt down, I don’t want to go into many details, but after I posted my tweet I retreated to my yoga in the hopes that it would help me…it didn’t. Neither playing with my cats or listening to music or reading, I just couldn’t stop my brain from doing over time enough to focus on the words.

This year I had a focus, a goals for myself. To change my lifestyle in the hopes of creating a more positive life or more positive days. But the past month or two I have failed in doing that.

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My eating has gone back down, I no longer snack, the drinks I’m drinking are more unhealthy than I am drinking healthy drinks, the healthiest drink I’m popping into my body is a glass of water and a glass or two of some kind of smoothie. My weight is back down more again, and what progress I was making in my work outs have all but disappeared because I all but stopped doing them. The only thing I have really kept on top of is my yoga but even that I have had to cut back on due to the lack of eating, so my energy levels have been really low lately.

And my family has been under extreme pressure with my little sister’s back surgery (and although she has/is in a lot of pain, she has been a little trooper), my mums one on the way soon and bunch of other things in the mix, its just been really hard to stay motivated and uplifted or positive.

I’ll be taking the weekend to regroup and refocus on myself and my blog. There are a few changes I want to make to it. I’ll still be doing my book reviews and product reviews but I’m going to be viewing them more as a hobby and I’m going to back to writing for me for a little while.

I’ll also be studying extra hard on my online college course while starting a new college course about crystal healing that I’m really excited about taking.

I’ll still be giving out tester candles to anyone who requests ones (for a free and honest review of course) .

My ‘Let’s Talk Pet Series’ and ‘My Bully Experience’ is still on going to anyone who wants their pets featured on my blog or to share their bully experience (to help inspire and show others that bullies never win, that trolls never win and that all their hate only strives our need to achieve our goals that much more stronger).

To submit your bully experience simply;
Email me at: Littletinkable@gmail.com
-Add your name
– short Bio of you
– Your bully experience
– And any pictures you would like added
-And any social media handles you’d like shared

If you aren’t a blogger wanting to send your bully experience all you have to do email me;
-Your name if you wish
– A short Bio (if you wish)
-Your bully experience
– Any pictures you would like added

If you are a writer or creator of ANY kind wanting to share your bully experience on Littletinkablee then simply;
– Your Name
– A short Bio
-Your Bully experience
– Any Social media handles or websites you’d like me to link back to
-And any pictures you would like added

Please note that If you wish me to post your story/ies anonymously then please skipped the steps adding your information and simple send your story over with any pictures you would like added.

To submit your pet story simply;
Email me at Littletinkable@gmail.com;
-Add your name
– A short Bio of yourself
– Any websites and/or social media handles
– Your pet Story
-And of course some pet pictures.

If you aren’t a blogger wanting to send your pet story all you have to do is;
-Your name if you wish
-Your Pet Story
– And some pet pictures

If you are a writer or creator of ANY kind wanting to share your pet story on Littletinkablee then simply;
– A short Bio
– Any Social media handles or websites you’d like me to link back to
-Your name
-And of course pictures!

Please note that If you wish me to post your story/ies anonymously then please skipped the steps adding your information and simple send your story over with any pictures you would like added.

Also My GIVEAWAY is still running and will continue running until Thursday, Friday I’ll pick the winner and Monday I’ll post it off to the lucky person! See my post – Some Bookish/Candle news‘ for more details.

I want to thank everyone who has messaged me and sent me words of encouragement and uplifting/ kind words, I can’t express what that means to me and I’ll forever be grateful for all the kind and amazing people I have met through my short but continued blogging journey. I hope you all have had a better Friday than I did and have a lovely weekends ahead.
Goodnight!

Announcement

This wasn’t what I wanted for today’s post but I’ve been having an incredibly difficult day today and to top the cherry off all my work for today’s post never got saved, leaving me post-less for the day and having to spend the night writing today’s and tomorrows post.

I just want to thank everyone for their on going and continuing support as I learn to open up about my mental health. I’m not really great with my words (ironic coming from someone who has spent her whole life writing them down) but I’m not great at expressing my emotions very well, even less so when trying to use words out loud without writing them down and not being given the time to over analysing them for days first.

But opening up, getting myself out there is something I have made my mission to do this year. Getting over my social anxiety of talking to people online was a big step I’m so happy I’ve manage to knock out of the park this year as before if someone would try to message me I’d block them with a racing heart. It genially gives me anxiety to just talk to someone, even through a message. But I’ve beaten that part of my anxiety this year which is so amazing and I truly am proud of myself for that. I’ve been isolating myself for years, the only one I’ve not managed to scare off is my boyfriend whom I love more than simply word/sentence could explain.

It’s your continued support, messages and comments that helps encourage me to keep going and to keep on my blogging journey. When starting my blog this year in February I couldn’t have prepared myself for the emotional, mental and even physical toll blogging would have on me in just a short amount of time. I went into this with the intentions of investing my all into this blog, my love, pain, sweat, tears, happiness, hope, everything that I have to offer. But I didn’t expect anything to truly happen until at least a year into blogging. I didn’t to gain so much attachment to it so quietly nor did I expect I’d have one person reading my post but now my blog has reached over 200 followers over the short course of time with such incredible viewers.

As stated above I have found dealing with today rather difficult. In all honesty the last two months I have been really struggling to feel the positivity and lightness that I’m trying to spread throughout my blog and social media accounts.

My depression has been trying to grip hold of me in it’s cold, claw like grip to drag me down a hole I no longer want to find myself in. In turn this has kicked my anxiety off into a totally different direction, which is only making my feel worse, and just feeding my depression and messy thoughts.

On top of that I haven’t stuck to my yoga or workouts the why I had planned, and my eating has gone back down, although when my doctor weighed me last week on Thursday I hadn’t lost any weight, I hadn’t gained any either, which is the usual story when it comes to my weight. I either lose it or I stay they same, no change. It get’s so unbearably frustrating sometimes and today I really wanted to give up on everything… I kind of still do but I’m hoping I’ll be able to push through this because I don’t want this blog to be yet another thing in my life that I loved and had taken over/away by my mental health.

I want to continue ‘writing my dream’ of becoming an author. I want to keep this drive to keep writing my novel, this drive to help others and write my posts. I don’t want to lose the one good thing I’ve managed to gain control of.

My mental health has literally taken over my life in every way it possibly could, I’m a slave to my mental health, a puppet whose strings are being controlled solely by my mental health. The only things is hasn’t taken from me is my family, my boyfriend and my pets.

This isn’t forever, I know that. I know some day I’m going to be able to beat all my demons and finally know what inner peace feels likes, one day I’m finally going to love myself and the world I’m in.

But right now I’m taking it one step at a time and today…today was bad step. But it’s okay, it’s okay because it just reminds me, well, I do have good day, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to identify the bad ones like I once wasn’t able to do.

Here’s a picture of me and Toby yesterday. (Photo credits to my boyfriend) Its strange how one really bad day can set you back from months work, but I’ll pick myself up and dust myself off.

I’m hoping to have today’s post re-written by tonight and ready for you all tomorrow, along with tomorrows intended post.

And again, I truly can’t express how much I appreciate all the supportive and heartwarming comments and messages. I was planning on doing a little giveaway this week but I really want to give back and show just how much reading my posts, following me and supporting me really means to be.

Instead I’m going to be planning a big giveaway, where there can be up to at least 3-4 winners. Thank you for reading and I hope you all have a lovely Friday night and even better weekend.

My eating Disorder Story

My Eating Disorder Story

(So I started writing this post last week during eating disorder awareness week and ended up putting it on pause and writing other posts instead, I guess I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was to have my full story out there but it is something I want to help spread awareness on and so without further ado here’s my story so far).

Some of you may already be aware of ‘Eating Disorder Awareness Week’. A week dedicated to spreading awareness about eating disorders, people who have them, what it’s like and how to help.

This one hits home a little personally as I have been suffering from an eating disorder for many years now that I haven’t really spoken up on and haven’t really sought out any help on until recently. I have only recently just accepted and become aware of my own issues, after living blissfully (or so I thought) in denial for far too long, allowing those who loved and cared for me watch me turn into something… that could barely pass as a hallow shell of who I once was.

I had easily convinced myself that I was fine, I didn’t have an eating disorder, that everyone was being overly paranoid about my weight because I was just skinny, being skinny through my years I’ve heard it all about my weight. But back when I was younger I never really had a problem with eating, I had what was probably a great relationship with food but as I grew and my body grew so did my taste buds and the food went from tasting like heaven to tasting and feeling as though I had ripped off a piece of cardboard and popped it into my mouth.

I had started going days and weeks without eating when I felt too bad I would drink a lot of tea and suck on a few pieces of chocolate to get me through the day… That was only a year ago for me. It was only a year ago that I accepted that I did have a problem with food.

Because I’ve had so many people talk to me about my weight, worry over me about my weight I never paid them any attention. I’ve had so many people ask me if I suffer from anorexia or some other eating disorder, I didn’t care for it and didn’t want to hear it, it just started making me feel self conscious about myself. I went from only mildly caring about what I looked like to spending up to two – three hours getting readying and checking myself in the mirror. I started wearing more baggier clothing and avoided people I knew instantly would have something to say to me.

2018, summer, standing next to my blue haired pixie sister. It was the first time I had left the house in something other than my boyfriend hoodie and baggy leggings.

It always got to me the way people think they have the right to tell me what they think about my weight, It always seemed cheeky to me that they’d feel comfortable enough to let me know they had been staring at my body and decided that I was too skinny for them. I’ve had people who work with people like me treat me like I’m some delusional fool, I’ve had them think they were helping me when in reality they couldn’t have made things worse. I’ve had someone laugh in my face after telling them something someone has said to me about my weight or lack of as well as my flat-chest. This coming from someone whose job requires them to be sympathetic, understanding and no judgemental unfortunately it’s a trait people don’t know how to rid themselves of.

My spine was always sticking out, you could play it like a musical instrument if you had some sticks.

I guess that’s why I had spent so long in denial so determined not listen to them, telling me they were only letting me know because they were worried about me was starting to come off a lot more like that of scolding a child. It’s never a nice feeling to have everyone around you knock your character down to something small, tiny and voiceless. People started looking down on me, assuming they knew what was best, assuming I can’t handle a life of my own. People already have their thoughts on what they think I want, and they’ve never been so wrong in all their lives.

So with people making me feel as though I was on my own, that we weren’t on equal footing it made me distance myself a lot more from everyone. It made me cloak myself in the saying, “Don’t care what people think of you.” And I had, I’d really stopped caring what people have to say about me, about my life about the things they think I will or won’t accomplish in life. Or at least I thought I’d managed to stop caring.

I started to loose a lot more weight. I wasn’t necessarily that under weight when all of this started, being a small and petite female I have a really petite body frame and of course because of all that I was lighter for my age than others. But I never lost weight to the extreme of fitting into my petite 10-11 year old sisters clothing, it wasn’t to the stage that I was forever seeing every bone that my upper body owned, I had thighs, I had bum and little boobs. I wasn’t bad.

2016 was when my weight started to really drop, my boyfriend was concerned and always trying to get me to eat whenever he could. I was worrying my mother and siblings but I wasn’t paying attention to the way my health was affecting them. I’d convinced myself I was fine, and so that’s what I was, I was fine.

Reduced to nothing but fighting for something.

But I had stopped caring about what I looked like, I stopped caring about the things I wore. I stopped fitting into my clothes and settled for living in tights, leggings and my boyfriend hoodies. Sometimes I’d make an effort in what I wore but I had to borrow my 10-11 (At the time) year old sisters clothes as mine were too big and she was the only one closest to my size.

In 2017 I’d got hit with a really bad virus that had left me bed ridden for a month. I had spent days and nights throwing up whatever I could while not being able to eat anything or keep any liquids down. My family and boyfriend were really worry for me by this point but I kept telling them I was fine. I’ll get over it like I always do and get on with life as normal. Except once I had recovered from it I had taken a look at myself in the mirror and got a shock of my life.

I had found out why everyone was looking at me with worried glances, why my boyfriend wanted me to eat or drink whatever I could, why my mum (who due to her own eating disorder is very understanding with mine) was practically begging me to go to the doctors and seek out help.

I went from being skinny to being…nothing. In that month I had wasted away into nothing and to see that nothing staring at me in the mirror? it was a truly terrifying thing to experience, to realise. The week after I got myself down to the doctors and I have been in the hopes that they have been able to help. So far I have had major struggle getting help from any professionals however I have made my own steps in gaining the weight back since then.

Right now I am waiting arrangements from Talk-Liverpool and an Eating Disorder Clinic in the hopes that they can help me. I have taken my own steps in helping myself including, by keeping an eating journal and through yoga practice.

Left is when I was really underweight, the right a recent photo after doing a yoga workout

Stay tuned next week as I’ll be posting what steps I took in order to help myself once I came to terms with my eating disorder and what other eating disorders there are out there, I’m personally shocked by how many there are that I was so unaware of! I’ll also be sharing what a year of yoga has done for me and what it could do for you.

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