Today is the day we get to find out if we’re having a little girl or little boy and I couldn’t be more nervous and excited at the same time.
I’m so excited to finally know the gender of my little baby but so nervous that there may be problems or complications, it’s been my biggest fear since finding out I was pregnant.
Almost everyone in my life (apart from about three people) who think my baby is going to be a little girl and up until two days ago I whole heartily believe my baby was a girl too. What made me second guess? it was a dream I had on Saturday of my baby sleeping in a moses basket and my baby was a boy in my dream wrapped up in a blue blanket. I remember telling my partner and family that that was my baby telling me he was a boy, especially because I’ve spent most of this pregnancy calling my baby a her as I was that sure then that’s what my baby was going to be. Now? I’m really not sure. Though after my dream I’m now leaning a little bit more over to a boy.
It’s 12:16pm and just under two hours before we get to find out what gender our little one is. So exciting!
I have some exciting and life changing news that I wanted to share with you all. It’s taken me a little while for it to sink in and we’ve kept things quiet to allow us some time to let our news sink in fully, as it came as quite a shock to say the least.
But my big news is….
Yup, you read that right.
I have little bun in the oven, as they say.
When I first found out I didn’t what to think or what to feel. I did end up telling one of my younger sisters first, before telling my partner an hour later, and then my mum. I’ll never forget my mums reaction, she was SO happy, she threw her hands in their and gave a little dance in celebration. I really wished I’d decided to record telling her but there were so many thoughts and emotions running through me that I just wanted to get it out, to tell those close to me. I really needed support and my family is my best support system.
So far pregnancy has been well and truly hitting me hard. I’ve been hit really bad with “Morning” sickness, It’s not been pleasant. I’m still struggling with my eating disorder which comes with it own challenges and even more thoughts that fill my head. Am I eating enough? Is my body strong enough to carry this pregnancy through? Am I giving my baby everything he/she needs? Am I doing enough to see this pregnancy through healthy? Those of which are just the tip of the iceberg of thoughts that barge through my mind on a daily basis.
But despite the bad, despite my own fears, baby is doing amazing and I’m really excited to go through this new journey of motherhood.
For so many reasons I thought this day would never come and although I would have perhaps waited a little longer…. If I had the choice, I’d have things go exactly the same way. I wouldn’t change a thing.
This baby doesn’t know it yet, but he/she is already So loved and adored by many. She/he is already bringing a little light into people life, it certainly has in mine.
I went for my very first scan on 2nd March and I can’t even describe to you what it felt like when I saw that little baby pop up on the monitor or how relieved I was when they told me there was only one in there! I had a little cry to myself in the car while looking at the scan photos. I just felt this huge wave of relief while me and partner sat there watching our little baby kick her/his legs out and show herself/himself off a little (although he/she was being stubborn and refusing to move from her/his spot so we couldn’t get any face shots, all side shots while she/he floated upside down in the lower part of my belly).
I can’t wait for this “morning” sickness to fade, for the exhaustion to ease up so I can get to enjoy more of the experience of being pregnant because I won’t lie, so far it just feels as though I’m walking around with a constant cold of some kind between the “morning” sickness and constantly feeling drained.
I still almost can’t believe it, I find myself constantly staring at my scan photos. I can’t wait to find out the gender and more so I just can’t wait to have this little baby out into the world and into my arms.
Motherhood is my new journey, I’m scared, I’m excited and I’m so ready. More so than I thought I would ever be. And thankful to have my soul mate right there along side me through it all.
Its going to be crazy & amazing going from just me and him (and our cats) to having this tiny little human to care for and look after.