So today I’m posting a completely different post from what I was going to do yesterday as my mental health as been decreasing and spiralling into a whole new direction making me feel wrong, off balance and just really not at all my self right now.
Yesterday it really hit me hard and unexpectedly. Feeling as though something was crushing down on me and like I wasn’t good enough for anything or anyone,
Uncontrollable crying and anger at feeling so down for no reason, it just makes me feel as though I’m not in control of my self and there is no scarier feeling than feeling as though you have no control over yourself what so ever, feeling as though your emotions calls the shots and in turn calling the shots on my thoughts. It’s scary, it’s sad, exhausting and it’s something that plagues me daily.
I really didn’t think yesterday was going to be in anyway good, as soon as I’d woken up I’d pretty much already had it in my head that today was going to be a bad day and nothing stops a bad day from happening… or so I thought.
Seeing me so upset, my boyfriend decided to make it his mission to make me feel better and to put a smile on my face. He suggested we go for one of our little adventures (We haven’t been on one for a while), enjoy the warm day we had ahead of us and to take some new pictures which is something he knows I love to do and can get lost in to doing for hours. Taking pictures has always been therapeutic for me, being away from people has always been my main goal in life, I’m not a people person, more of an animal/nature kinda girl and my boyfriend knew this and knew exactly where to take me to distract me from…. well myself.
We jumped over a little lake, walked through a massive field and entered some wooded area’s where we came across so many beautiful flowers (mainly blue bells) and other’s pretty plants. We also got attack by a LOT of fly while walking around which I can’t really say I enjoyed however the fun of trying to escape them and find a clear area from those flies was rather fun.
We climbed over fallen down tree’s, broken walls, massive pipes and avoided as many nettles and stingy plants that we could. Considering how many nettles and stingy plants there were I was surprised and impressed that we’d only got stung once each. When I was a child and I used to explore like that I was forever getting stung by nettles and it became a habit to carry about dock leaves where ever I went. I’d be that strange child making her way to the woods picking up the really massive dock leaves as I went by because I knew at some point I’d get stung by a nettle.
Yesterday was the first time my boyfriend had come across a dock leaf so big which I thought was crazy because a girl that got stung daily when she was younger I’ve come across some really BIG dock leaves but the pure simple joy on his face instantly melted my heart and I needed to get a picture of him and this big dock leaf, and that’s exactly what I did. I took another picture this time of the love of my life standing in nature with pure joy on his face. It’s moments likes these I want to capture forever, and never forget.
We also came a cross a really old vodka bottle, a really old packet of Space Raiders crisp from 2009 and what looked to be an old street that nature had claimed back. There was an old gate with an old auction sign on there and behind the gate where the house would have once been was nothing, no sign of a house once being there other than the gate and the auction sign. There was also a set of really old bollards that still had the Liver Bird print on them. It really did look to be an old street that had been abandoned, forgotten and nature was able to reclaim it back.
After we explored the area a little longer we left to go back home, walking passed the same massive filed and jumping over the same lake we entered the smaller filed again only this time we spotted a really big butterfly. I’ve never been one into butterfly I’ve always personally found them to be ugly and creepy and felt people just got to distracted by their colourful/patterned wings and couldn’t see it for the buggy looking creature it was. HOWEVER! This butterfly will be the only one I will ever say I found to be beautiful and not just the wings but everything about it was beautiful, although it was the beautiful wings that drew me in…
It was big, like really big. With two massive light brown wings with two red looking eyes on top and two purple looking big eyes at the bottoms, this butterfly instantly captured our attention.
I tried my hardest to get a really good picture of it but it wouldn’t let me close enough to do and so after a few failed attempts it flew away leaving me in awe and disappointment that I couldn’t get the picture I wanted. We had some food and a half hour break before we walked across a different field and into a smaller wooded area that was just in front of an old butterfly reserve. My boyfriend could see how disappointed I was at not being able to take the picture I wanted and thought maybe we’d spot a few over there that I could take pictures of.
But there wasn’t a single one, there flies and horses and so many bugs crawling about but no butterflies. We then decided to go meet up with a friend and his dog since for this adventure we had decided to take Toby with us and made our way back out. On our way back my boyfriend spotted what appeared to be the same big butterfly and after following it and trying to take a few picture I realised quickly it was EXACTLY the same one. What were the chances!
This time I was more than determined to take a picture of this butterfly who too seemed fascinated with us as every time we got too close it would fly away only to fly right back by us again. Almost as if it didn’t want to move away from us but was scared of what we wanted to do but eventually it seemed as though the butterfly no longer thought our intentions were to harm it because it randomly fly up into the air and then landed on a perfectly clear patch of ground surround by the fields grass.. Ever so slowly I started to take pictures as I walked as slowly and softly as I could to the butterfly. I eventually almost ended up laying on my stomach trying to get a close up of this butterfly without it flying away from me but I apparently didn’t need to fear that because It didn’t move once! When my camera got too close to it, it did hide it’s wings from me a few times but when I’d move back a little the butterfly would open its wings back up to me.
That butterfly was the highlight of my day but being around my boyfriend is what’s truly made it special and so enjoyable. Without him I probably would have had one of the worst days this month and I there isn’t enough words or emotions in the world to describe how thankful I am for him and the things he does for me. For the way he handles me at my worst and manages to make things seem better.
I’ve said it from the start and I’ll say it till the end. I love my boyfriend, more than he probably knows and I never want him to change who he is because it’s who he is that I fell in love with, it’s who he is that my soul is drawn to.
If anyone else is going through a tough time this month/year please feel free to dm, message or email me. I’m always a listening ear for those who needs one, I’m not a judge and so you won’t receive any judgement from me only encouraging words, (hopefully) helpful advice and probably a lot of great quotes.
Please don’t forget to like, comment, share and follow my blog!